Melt
by NellietheMarvelous
Summary: An out of town Red John case has the team stuck in motel rooms. What happens when Jane and Lisbon start sharing one? Emotions run wild, relationships are strained and just when they think things can't get any worse...they do.
1. The Cold

**Disclaimer: No infingement intended. **

**A/N: Our house gets SO cold at night because we can't run the heater. I wish I lived in a warmer climate. Anyway, I was freezing last night which led to this....I love that my personal experiences is what inspires most of these. I did a little research into winter weather in Cali (areas like Sacramento and surrounding) for this one. I didn't want to write this only to have someone say I got something completely wrong. So yeah, Mediterranean Climate is cool, wet winters and hot, dry summers. I actually already knew that from 6th grade science, guess that class did come in handy. :) **

Foreign beds, Lisbon hated them. It was difficult enough to sleep in a bed that wasn't her own, but something made this night even worse. Three somethings really: they were on a Red John case which had her worrying about the man in the next room, the case had them staying at a hotel in the middle of December, and the heater in her room wasn't working. Sometimes she really hated the Mediterranean climate. Glaring over at the clock resting on the bedside table, she groaned and climbed out from under the semi-warm covers. She was starting to shiver and after kicking the heater one last time she grabbed her key card and left. If she was going to get any sleep at all it would have to be somewhere else. She hadn't bothered to put on her shoes and it was only when she lifted her hand to knock on Van Pelt's door that she realized how ridiculous this must seem. Three o'clock in the morning and she was knocking on her coworkers door barefoot, in pajamas, hair in a messy ponytail half fallen due to the tossing and turning. She just wanted to crawl into a warm bed and sleep. After hearing nothing, she knocked again a little louder but still silence was the only answer.

"Damn it Van Pelt. Come on!" Another knock, but after a ragged sigh she gave in and tried the next person. Cho. She had been hoping that Grace would've answered the door but she was so tired it probably wouldn't matter. Knocking once again, even on a different door led to the same result. At breakfast she'd berate them for being such sound sleepers. Another shiver ran through her body but for an entirely different reason than just being cold, the next door was Jane's. She could skip it but that only left Rigsby and not to be cruel but she figured Jane would be a better choice. Mainly because she figured Rigsby wouldn't be able to form a coherent sentence around her for a month if she woke him.

Sucking in a sharp breath she raised her hand but the door swun open before she could knock revealing Jane in blue pajama pants and a white shirt. Sometimes she wondered if the man now standing in front of her really was psychic. He looked tired, more so than usual - no doubt from the case. These cases always hit him hard which led to him pulling some rather crazy stuff and who could really blame the poor guy.

"Uh, I was just...there's no heater in my room. It's three in the morning or I'd just go complain to the front desk. I'm freezing my ass off and nobody else will wake up to let me in."

"Mm, so I'm last choice?" There was a smirk present on his worn and tired features but she detected a hint of hurt lacing his words.

"No, I went with which door was closest to mine. Makes you third, so can I come in?"

"Yeah, I was actually about to come wake you up." She could feel the warmth of his room wash over her as he stepped to the side to let her in. "I can't sleep, nothing new, but I thought about coming to talk to you."

"Sure, we can talk." He'd never come to talk to her before whenever they had a Red John case. Occasionally he'd mention things but he'd never just sat down to talk with her. This had to be big and as sleepy as she was, she would stay awake if it would help him.

"No, you're way too tired. You haven't been to sleep, we'll talk once you wake up."

"I can tell you haven't been asleep yet either." There was something in his gaze that caught her attention but it was quickly replaced by a forced smile as he pointed over towards the bed. The blankets were practically in the floor and the pillows were thrown into the middle. She hated that he had such a hard time sleeping.

"You can have it, I'm just going to sit up for awhile." Lisbon wanted to argue, she wanted to demand he get some sleep but she knew it would be pointless. She couldn't force him and she was running on no sleep for over twenty-four hours, all the fight she had was gone. She laid her key card down on the night stand and smiled warmly in thanks which he returned in full. Shuffling to the bed she let herself drop, wrapping the blankets around herself as soon as she hit the mattress. Just from looking at the bed, she hadn't been able to tell which side Jane had been on but now she knew. The spot she was lying in was warm, so warm, she had taken his side. A few more shivers coursed through her body before she finally relaxed into the pillows. A content sigh left her lips followed by a soft chuckle from Jane. If she wasn't so tired she might have commented but she didn't.

Lisbon had expected an awkward tension to settle but it never did. The only thing that was running through her head was that this bed seemed a lot more comfortable than hers had been and that Jane would probably tell the entire team that her hair resembled the bride of Frankenstein's. The last thought had her lips curving into a smile as she rolled onto her right side.

Jane had been a little surprised to see Lisbon when he opened the door. He hadn't lied though, he had been heading off to talk to her. If he hadn't felt how cool her skin was when she passed him to enter the room, he would've sworn she was only checking up on him. The goosebumps lining her arms had been another give away that she was indeed cold. Moving the chair around as silently as possible, he turned it to face her. She wasn't asleep yet but she was close. Situating himself, he let his gaze roam over her small form occupying the big bed.

There was something he longed to tell her about himself. He wanted her to know about him, about his family. He'd never had the urge to tell anyone before. The truth was his and his only but she made him want to share it. That was why he'd been wanting to talk to her tonight but he had figured she'd been asleep for at least four hours. Waking her wouldn't have been a problem, but keeping her up when she hadn't slept in over twenty-four hours was something he couldn't do. She looked so tired yet lovely all the same. Her hair was mussed, from tossing he could tell, and the ponytail would probably be gone before she woke. He had noticed her bare feet immediately but chose not to say a word about it. She had cute feet, he didn't have a foot fetish or anything but it was true. What bothered him was that he shouldn't be noticing that kind of stuff, they were here after the man who murdered his family. He didn't have time to be contemplating how cute she looked rumpled and exhausted wearing purple pajamas.

How could he be doing this? Why was he blocking all thoughts of anything but her right then? It could have been the way she curled into the same pillow he had been lying on not even an hour ago but that shouldn't have mattered. The man who murdered his family had killed again. That's why they were here, that's what should have mattered. Except in the dim light of the hotel room it was her that occupied his mind. The soft glow of her skin and the gentle breathing. It was his fault she'd been awake all this time, he had caused a mess that she had to clean up which led to her not getting any sleep. She'd been in her office filling out paperwork and making phone calls. That could be part of the reason. He was feeling guilty.

A deep sigh followed by incoherent mumbling had him smiling as Lisbon rolled to her back. The movement threw most of the blankets to the side, except one small part that covered her middle. One arm ended up above her head, the other rested over her stomach and suddenly Jane was feeling brave. Despite the way his brain was screaming at him to just stay put, he got up and made his way to the opposite side of the bed. It wouldn't hurt anything if he was only going to lie down. He eased himself onto the mattress, as quietly as possible and rolled on his side to face her. He didn't try to grab the blankets or even move from the very edge; he was afraid to but something inside of him had wanted so badly to just lie in the same vicinity as her.

The sight would probably look a little ridiculous to outsiders. She looked perfectly comfortable in the bed, sprawled against the crisp white sheets; her chest gently rising and falling with each breath. Jane on the other hand was lying on his side, muscles tight and so close to the edge that he'd probably fall off if anybody barely touched him. He'd just lay there with her for a few hours and then get up before she woke. It seemed like a good idea until his arm had a mind of its own and reached out to touch her. She had her head turned towards him, the only thing disrupting his view of her face was the arm she had thrown above her head, the same one he was trailing light fingers up and down. Her skin was soft but still rather cool beneath his touch and before he knew what was happening, his eyes were growing heavy. Her gentle breathing paired with the relaxing path his hand was traveling managed to lull him into a state of sleep.

It was only a few hours later that Lisbon began to stir. She was lying on her back facing the window; the light from the sun was peeking over the horizon and painting an orange glow over her face. She grumbled a few choice words when she realized the curtains were open, she knew she had shut those. That's when it all came back: the case, the room, no heat, Van Pelt, Cho, Jane. Another whispered curse as she finally woke enough to notice the sound of gentle heavy breathing. She was thinking about how nice it was to know he was sleeping until she realized how close the breathing really was and the warm weight of something on her chest. When she opened her eyes the first thing she noticed was that she hadn't moved from the spot she fell into which meant he had to have been the one to move.

When did he join her in the bed anyway and is this how he had been lying the entire time? She wanted to move but one of her legs was trapped by his and his arm was over her waist. That wasn't so bad. She could have woke him and not been too embarrassed by that but his head was resting right below her collar bone, right over her breast, right over her heart that was thumping so wildly. She couldn't move. With half of his body resting atop hers there was no way to move that wouldn't rouse him. If the position wasn't so intimate she'd probably wake him with a teasing shove and remark about him eating too much. He was heavy, but it was a good kind of heavy. This was not what she was expecting to wake up to. All she had wanted was some sleep but this, it was a little too much. They'd grown so close lately but still not this close. As badly as she wanted to bolt back to her own cold room, she couldn't risk waking him and she knew he could use the rest.

She'd been so busy freaking out about where his face was pressed that she hadn't noticed her arm wrapped around his neck, her hand buried in his golden hair. She was holding him there and obviously it hadn't bothered either of them while they were sleeping. Lisbon figured he probably used to lay like this with his wife and his body had just slipped back into the old habit while asleep, but what was her excuse? She couldn't come up with a reason why she had held him in place or why she was currently letting her fingers roam through his curls. He looked so peaceful and despite how uncomfortable this would all be when he woke up, she liked lying like this with him. That was the reason she wanted to run, it felt too good to be with him like this.

Lisbon knew it was a bad idea before she even decided to do it, but ignoring the warning bells she reveled in the warmth. Both arms wrapped around his shoulders to hold him close as she let herself tangle into him no longer caring about the overly intimate position. Closing her eyes she let herself enjoy this small moment knowing it'd be over soon enough and then the awkward would take its place.

**a/n: Ugh, I need to stop starting new stories....but my mind won't let me. **


	2. The Warmth

**Disclaimer: Still a no.**

**A/N: This story will probably become my new fave to write....but I promise to update Minisodes....soonish. Anyway I was overwhelmed by the response to the first chapter so thank you everybody who reviewed, added to favorites and alerts. I made cookies but they won't go through the computer. Damn. I really did make cookies, dinner num. I'm eating them now. **

Light was the first thing Jane noticed, his room was no longer darkened by the night. He wondered how long he'd been asleep. He remembered Lisbon barefoot and pajama clad wanting to borrow his bed. Burying his face deeper into the pillow, he let out a sigh. His pillow was moving, up and down, up and down. It was breathing, his brain began to process the hands tangled in his hair and the warmth, the softness beneath his cheek. His breath hitched in his throat as he opened his eyes and confirmed his suspicions. Lisbon was his pillow, a light flush flooded his cheeks when he realized where his head was resting but he didn't move. He was afraid to, if she was awake he had no idea what he could say to make this situation less awkward for them. He listened carefully, measuring each breath she took. It was deep and even but she moved beneath him. Her leg brushed his thigh and his sharp intake of breath gave away exactly how much he truly enjoyed her touch.

He moved cautiously so she wouldn't startle. Slowly lifting his head, he raised up on one arm while keeping his other locked over her waist. He knew he must have been heavy but apparently sleep induced Lisbon didn't mind. He instantly missed the warmth. Was it wrong of him to miss lying against her breast or was it normal? He was a man after all, but he wasn't supposed to react to her body pressed so intimately to his. He shouldn't have been, it was wrong but for a few seconds after he had figured out where his face had been pressed, he had wished it would have been under different circumstances. Seeing her face, so peaceful and calm in the morning light had him leaning closer. It was a magnetic pull, two magnets. Opposite ends attracting and then she moved her leg again. It snapped him back to reality before he screwed up the best thing he had going in his life. She'd come to him as a friend who was cold and here he was practically feeling her up. A distant thought entered his brain, wondering if he'd gravitated to her for warmth or for other reasons.

Pushing down the need coursing through his veins, his mind flashed back to how tired she'd been; to how he had been on his way to talk to her. He needed to think and lying on top of her wasn't going to let him do anything more than contemplate how soft her lips would feel against his. He needed to figure out if he wanted to be with her for honest reasons or if he was just trying to make the pain in his heart lessen. He had to find out. He couldn't let himself use her.

He gave in to one of his urges and placed a feather light kiss to her cheek before extracting himself from her body. Just as he had suspected his movement jostled her enough to have her eyes fluttering open in confusion. Just as he expected an awkward silence grew between them, until he distantly heard her mumble.

"Hm?" He was staring at the pillow but he could hear the rustling of fabric and caught her movement out ot the corner of his eye. He tried to force himself to keep his gaze on the fluffly white cube but he couldn't.

"We're late, dammit, I left everything in my room." She was glaring at the clock, her hair in complete disarray. The ponytail it'd been in was long gone just as he'd suspected before he had ever crawled into bed with her. He shouldn't have done that. That was a mistake, he'd gone too far. The only good thing was that she didn't know he'd been sleeping soundly against her chest. "We need to get dressed, I'm sure everybody is already at breakfast. We were supposed to be there twenty minutes ago."

"You needed the sleep."

"Dammit! I should have just stayed awake the first time." Her words sent his mind racing. He wondered if she had woke and when. He wondered if this meant she had known how he was lying, left him be and went back to sleep. If so, he figured that had to mean something, it had to mean something big. Something he wasn't sure he was capable of facing. He thought there was no way she woke to his face pressed into her chest and just fell back asleep or was there?

Jane opened his mouth, forming the question on his tongue but when he got the courage to ask she was already halfway out the door. He caught site of her retreating form and that was all. He realized something important in that moment; he hadn't moved from the bed. Even after untangling himself from her, he had only rolled to the side. He hadn't scrambled away or mumbled any kind of excuse as to why he was next to her when he had been across the room when she'd fallen asleep. It was something. It took him less than ten minutes to dress and head down to the lobby. They were supposed to meet the rest of the team at a cafe across the street for breakfast, a recap on the case and what they had so far, which wasn't much. As in any Red John investigation, if he didn't want you to find it then it wouldn't be found.

When he stepped into the small cafe, the team including Lisbon were sitting at a table in the back, it was secluded. He guessed they were in the smoking section, it was closed off, no doubt for privacy. It looked like everyone had already eaten except for the dark headed agent who kept stealing glances in his direction. Those looks made him think that maybe she knew about his morning snuggle. Nobody asked where he had been, but he saw the sympathy in their eyes as soon as he sat down next to Cho.

Lisbon tried to keep her mind on the case but she could feel Jane's eyes on her and suddenly she was back in his room, lying in that bed with him. The one thing that gave her comfort was the fact that there was no way he could know she had woke only to hold him tighter and then fallen back asleep. It was comforting that he didn't know that little secret. Forcing herself to get it together and focus, Lisbon managed to wrangle her emotions and push them down. She wanted to catch Red John, and she'd have to stay focused to do so. Turning her attention to her team she went over everything they knew so far.

"It's safe to say this is classic Red John. The..." Her eyes flickered over to Jane who just gave her a small sad smile to continue. "cutting style is the same, the smiley painted on the wall in blood. The victim, Jessica Walters, twenty-two. She was a waitress here. What else do we know?"

"There was a note." Van Pelt offered in a hopeful voice, they all wanted to catch this guy. Not only for Jane but for all the families of those who he'd killed.

"Mm, yes a note to me. Reminding us yet again that we keep failing." It didn't matter to Lisbon that his voice sounded almost defeated, what mattered was that he had said 'us' and 'we'. She took that as a sign that he knew they were all in this; that he wasn't alone.

"Jessica Walters was raising her niece and lived with her boyfriend Mike Gregson in an apartment two blocks over which is where her body was found." Cho was tired of these cases, he wanted the bastard who murdered fifteen, now sixteen, people caught. He didn't want to be sitting there repeating information that everybody had already heard. It was rather pointless in his eyes.

"You and Rigsby go talk to the boyfriend. He was pretty shaken up yesterday maybe he'll be a little more calm today. See if he can give us anything to go on. Van Pelt and I will start asking the questions here."

"And me?" Jane's charming grin was back in place which left everyone breathing a little easier as Lisbon just sighed while trying to restrain the heat that threatened to once again engulf her body and soul.

"You're with me." Under any other circumstances he might have had a teasing remark to that statement but not on this day. No, on this day he nodded his head and watched the other men leave their seats until her voice caught his attention once again. "I ordered you some eggs."

**a/n: Short? A bit, I'm sorry. The next one might be longer but I didn't want to drag it out. I'm not a big case person so even though its a RJ case I can pretty much guarantee that there won't be a lot of detail on it. One, because we don't know much about Red John and two because the only thing I'm good at when it comes to writing cases is like questioning and stuff. Oh I don't know how to explain it...you'll see.**


	3. The Touch

**Disclaimer: Well people, I have a glass of Kool-Aid and my cell phone....not the Mentalist. I don't have that. **

**A/N: Yay for a new chapter...well I hope you guys are yay-ing. This chapter was murder to write. I now have four on-going stories (hits self) Damn the bunnies. Damn the Man. Thing is...I have tons more ideas, so I think I'm just going to start writing them down on a piece of paper instead of actually starting new fics all the time. ;) That might be a more organized, sane way to handle my imagination. Hope you guys enjoy the 3rd chapter. :)**

**This has turned far more Jisbon-ish than I had intended. Oh well. Random little fact: I was listening to Love Shack by B52's while typing this....yes I know...I'm awesome. **

They had nothing to go on. Typical, Jane thought. This case was going to be another dead end, another disappointment. Just another chance for the man who murdered his family to toy with him. String him along in some twisted game that left him feeling like a failure, even more so than he already did. He didn't know why it was possible for him to catch so many murderers, when the one he was most driven to find always eluded him. The only thing he had learned today was that Lisbon knew how he liked his eggs. It was interesting to him at the time, it proved he wasn't the only one who had been paying attention to little habits but now it was the last thing on his mind.

He was sitting on the hotel room bed - the same one Lisbon had tossed around in the night before - staring down at the photo in his hands. The smiling faces of his family looking back at him. He usually kept it tucked away behind business cards and other nonsense in his wallet so he wouldn't have to see it every day. That was his way of dealing with the guilt. He couldn't bring himself to face them all the time, knowing he had caused their deaths but tonight he had fished through the battered leather wallet to find the picture. For some reason he just wanted to. The faces of his wife and daughter looked the same as he remembered them. They would never grow older, he'd never have to threaten boys that came around with dismemberment if they hurt his little girl. He didn't get any of those privileges. He felt the tears well up in his eyes and knew it was time to stop.

Shoving the worn picture back into its hiding place, he got up and headed for the only place he wanted to be; Lisbon's room. He grabbed the small elastic band that he'd found buried in the blankets before walking out the door, keycard in hand. A small smile played at the corner of his lips as he recalled the way she'd politely asked the person at the front desk to either have the heater in her room fixed or to let give her a different room. It wasn't until the snooty woman behind the desk told her they would look at the heater and get back to her, that she got a little miffed. He knew the team couldn't stay here much longer, there was no point running in circles. They'd probably pack up and head home in a day or two, work what little information they had from there. To be honest, he wouldn't mind if they stayed in hotels forever. He liked being near the team, he liked knowing that someone was right down the hall if he needed to talk. Not that he ever actually went to talk with any of them, but still it was a nice thought.

Tonight, he was doing it though, he was going to talk to Lisbon. Why? He wasn't really sure but he figured it had something to do with how close they'd become over time. She was his anchor, she kept him grounded and sane. As much as he wanted to be able to say the hunt for Red John kept him focused, he couldn't. That's what drove him so much closer to the edge, Lisbon was always there to grab him the collar and pull him back to safe ground.

The carpet beneath his bare feet was rough, scratchy but he really didn't want to bother with shoes this late at night. It was well after two in the morning, it seemed him and Lisbon had a thing for late nights. He knew she wasn't asleep yet and still, he hesitated before knocking. Standing outside of her room seemed far more intimate than he had planned it to be. Maybe it was that he was letting her in, letting her see him. Gathering up the courage, he swiftly knocked twice and waited. When the door cracked open, just enough for her to stick her head out he grinned. She let him in without a word, they both knew he would turn up to talk. He'd mentioned it the night before and as he followed her into the room, he wondered if that was really the only reason he was there. She sat down on the bed, resting back against the headboard and stretching her legs out in front of her, Jane was rooted to his spot.

The woman who had come to his room the night before wearing baggy purple pajama pants and a matching shirt was now in shorts. It was no wonder she had wanted a heater, she would have froze if she had to stay in that room wearing those shorts.

"You can sit, Jane." He was ripped from his thoughts by her patting the opposite side of the bed. He wasn't sure it was a good idea to be in a bed with her again. Last time hadn't exactly went as planned but he found himself shuffling towards the empty space anyway. He crawled in next to her leaving about a foot between them and mimicked her position.

"We're not going to catch him."

"What? Jane, no, don't say that. We will." Lisbon was startled by his seemingly out of nowhere statement. She wanted to smack him upside the head for being negative but the look on his face stopped her.

"Not this time..."

"You don't know that." She knew he was probably right, but she was trying to be reassuring. He looked like he could use it.

"I do, and so do you but thanks for trying to make me feel better." His eyes searched hers as they both found themselves scooting closer together. It was just a slight shift but the space between them lessened. "I wanted to talk, wanted to tell you about my family but I don't know how."

Lisbon reached out to touch him before she could think it through. Her hand landed on his thigh causing him to suck in a sharp ragged breath. She heard it loud and clear but she pretended she didn't. It eased some of the tension when she played dumb to the way he reacted to the touch.

"You don't have to tell me anything Jane. Just knowing you want to, means a lot." A yawn kept her from saying everything she wanted. Her hand moved away from him to cover her mouth.

"You're tired, I'll go." Later, she'd blame it on the way he looked so rumpled and defeated but for now she had no excuse as to why she grabbed his arm before he could even try to get out of the bed. It might have been because she secretly longed to feel him pressed against her again. That wouldn't happen if he left.

"No, stay." She wasn't so fond of how desperate her words seemed but it did the trick. Jane relaxed back against the headboard and smiled at her. "We can talk some more before you go. I'm not that tired."

"Liar. You're almost to the point where you can barely keep your eyes open."

"Yet, you came to talk to me knowing this is around the time I go to bed. Which leads me to believe you don't want to be alone." Jane caught the question in her eyes. The one that asked why. He couldn't find an appropriate answer.

"That's very observant of you Lisbon. First you know how I like my eggs, and now this?"

"You're rubbing off on me." She smiled at him, one of her beautiful teasing smiles that caused his heart to beat a little faster. He let himself have the pleasure of touching her bare leg, her thigh, just as she'd done to him. Except it was different; he could feel the softness of her skin, the warmth of it beneath his fingertips. He couldn't explain why he did it. He didn't really want to try, he thought words would probably just ruin the experience. She wasn't shoving him away or telling him to get the hell out which was a good sign. She was watching his fingers move over her leg. He looked up at her face to see if she was okay then his gaze dropped back to the path he trailing to her knee and back up again. This was all unfamiliar territory to him, he'd never touched her like this well besides the night before but that had been in his sleep so it didn't count. At least he didn't think it did.

"I want to stay with you Teresa." He just wanted to be in the room with her. She had been right, he didn't want to be alone. He couldn't bring himself to look her in the eye, he was afraid she'd taken it the wrong way so he kept watching his hand. A few seconds of silence passed rather slowly as he waited for her reply.

**a/n: Yep, I'm cutting it off there. You'll have to wait to see what happens, I'm cruel. So, thoughts? Suggestions? Presents? -- kidding about the presents. So this one took me a little longer to type out than I had planned due to a horrific headache. I find the more my insomnia acts up, the more frequent the headaches. Bright side: I made chocolate chip cookies...I ate them. Now to work on Temptation....this should be interesting. :)**


	4. The Misunderstanding

**Disclaimer: Well there are many things in this life I own, none of them being the Mentalist or a house for that matter.**

**A/N: Migraine! Enough said. I still thought it would be nice to get this up for everybody since I was a horrible human being and left you with a cliffhanger. IT'S MENTALIST DAY EVERYBODY!!!! Yay for Red Scare! Well I'm hoping it'll be worth a YAY! :)**

_"I want to stay with you Teresa." He just wanted to be in the room with her. She had been right, he didn't want to be alone. He couldn't bring himself to look her in the eye, he was afraid she'd taken it the wrong way so he kept watching his hand. A few seconds of silence passed rather slowly as he waited for her reply._

Lisbon could feel her heart trying to pound it's way right out of her chest. She thought she'd heard wrong, until he wouldn't look anywhere but her thigh. The heat of his fingers tracing the sensitive skin didn't help aid her thought process one bit. The man was absolutely distracting and she was supposed to be focusing on the case. At that moment, she really couldn't think of anything other than the words he'd just said. They were bouncing around in her brain, tormenting her into deciding that this would be a good idea. It would comfort them both. Confusion mixed in with the emotions running wild through her veins as she let her hand rest against the side of his neck, forcing him to look her in the eye.

Swallowing the nervous lump that had formed in her throat, she watched his questioning eyes for some sign that he might have said those words by mistake. Nothing pointed in that direction, so she knew what she was going to say. She just hoped he realized what this meant.

"Y-you can stay with me but this isn't going to change things right? I mean one night won't ruin everything we've..."

"Oh, no no! I didn't mean it like that. Just to sleep." She let her hand drop immediately once she realized she'd just made the biggest fool of herself. Jane offered her a small smile but it did nothing to quell the embarrassment rising in her chest. She could feel her cheeks flaming a deep red and her ears were positively burning. Suddenly she felt like they were way too close but when she tried to scoot away she almost tumbled off the bed. "It's okay, it's my fault. I should have worded it...Lisbon, wait."

Scrambling as fast as she could, she moved from the bed mumbling an apology so low she'd be surprised if he even heard it. The bathroom was the only place she could think of to hide; to calm down. The door slammed with a little more force than she had intended but it wasn't important. She'd just told Jane in not so many words that she would have sex with him to make him feel better, she was such an idiot. She didn't even want to contemplate what he now thought of her. She didn't know why her mind had jumped straight to that conclusion when he said he wanted to stay, she really should have known that wasn't what he meant. This was Jane.

Pacing the length of the tiny room four times, she stopped and let her forehead meet the wall with a soft thump. What was wrong with her? How was she going to face him now? Another thump, then another, maybe she could knock some sense into herself via the bathroom wall. The burning in her cheeks hadn't subsided a bit upon enclosing herself in a small room, in fact it seemed to worsen. She knew she'd have to face him but oh how she wished she could hide forever. Lisbon hadn't been this embarrassed in a long time. This was her friend, Jane, and she'd just agreed to sleep with him when that wasn't even what he wanted. Why did she agree? This wasn't like her, the man messed with her mind.

Jane jumped from the bed as soon as the door closed. He hadn't meant for her to take it in the wrong sense. Although what shocked him more was that she was willing to go along with it. That wasn't like Lisbon, at least he didn't think it was. Resting one hand against the bathroom door he listened for a few moments and almost smiled when he heard her quietly berating herself on the other side.

"Lisbon, it's okay. You don't have to hide." Silence was his only answer causing him to sigh. Just his luck, now she wouldn't talk to him. "I'll leave if that would make you feel better."

"If you sleep then just stay...go ahead and get some rest." Her voice was muffled but he could tell she was still fighting the humiliation.

"What and leave you in the bathroom? No. You have to come out."

"I will." At least the stubbornness hadn't faded.

"Lisbon I'm serious, I need to use the bathroom." It was a lie, but he knew she'd believe him when he used that serious voice and he really wanted her to come out. She didn't need to be embarrassed. He was a mentalist for goodness sakes he should have known to choose words carefully when sitting in a bed with a woman and stroking her leg. If anyone should be red faced about the situation it should be him, but honestly he wasn't. He didn't find it embarrassing at all. After waking up pressed to her chest, he was pretty sure it would take a lot more than one misunderstanding to ruffle his feathers.

The door creaked open, just far enough for Lisbon's small form to slip out in a rush. Jane wanted to stop her but he knew she'd probably get mad at him for lying about needing the bathroom. He saw her get into the bed as he pushed the door closed. This was probably stupid of him, standing in a bathroom just so she wouldn't know he'd been lying so she'd come out. It didn't matter either way a few seconds and a toilet flush later, he was pulling it back open.

She was lying on her stomach, face down in the pillow from what he could make out in the dim lighting. She'd turned the lights off, he assumed, so she wouldn't feel quite as stupid. He was at a loss when it came to this. Jane didn't know exactly what he was supposed to say. He didn't know why she had agreed when she thought he was just going to use her for comfort so he didn't know how to make it better. He was pulling back the blankets on the opposite side when he froze at a sudden realization.

"Uh, Lisbon, is it okay if I sleep in the bed?"

"Mhm." He hated short answers like that but as he crawled underneath the blankets he decided it was a good thing she hadn't kicked him out. He'd take the short answers. The mattress shifted when she rolled on her side to face the wall. The awkward tension that settled between them was enormous. They'd had moments before but nothing like this. This was the out of place kind of awkward. The kind Jane had never felt with her.

Lisbon closed her eyes, begging her body to just let her sleep and ignore the heavy weight in her chest. She really just wanted to wake up and find out all of this had been some crazy dream. Unfortunately she knew that wouldn't happen but she hoped the nice thought would at least help her get to sleep. The longer she ended up lying there awake, the more likely it was that she'd either dream of or try to touch the man next to her. She wanted to crawl under a rock and stay there for a year or two, she still couldn't believe she had thought he meant something sexual. Maybe her brain was still fuzzy from the way they'd been sleeping the night before, she'd been hoping that it would happen again but now she didn't want it to. It would only add on to her humiliation. Tomorrow she'd wake up, go about her morning routine and work like nothing strange had happened, like they hadn't been sharing a bed for two days.

**a/n: I had to humiliate Lisbon...why? I'm not entirely sure...oh well. The next chapter we go back to team stuff. The last two chapters ended up being WAY more Jisbon-y than I had intended them to be. I'm betting you guys don't really mind..but still. It's 5:25 am. That means three things: I get a new lip ring, the house is clean and the Mentalist will be on scene! Yeah I know that was cheesy....leave me alone I haven't went to bed yet and I still have to sweep and mop the floors.**


	5. The Aftermath

**Disclaimer: Still not owning the Mentalist....I'll let you know if that ever changes...don't hold your breath.**

**A/N: Somehow this chapter got lost, when I uploaded ch. 8 it replaced this chapter with the same content so I had to retype this one all from scratch. My apologies if everything is a little different. I'm going off of what I can remember which isn't much. So basically I'm hitting the main points here. Hee.**

Riding along in Jane's Citroen, Lisbon let her head fall back against the seat. She didn't know exactly how long they'd been on the road but she didn't care. Five minutes was too long after the humiliation she'd suffered the night before. Well technically it was early this morning but that didn't make a difference. She'd been so embarrassed. She didn't want to talk to Jane about anything that might lead back to her agreeing to have sex with him. It wasn't something she was exactly proud of.

Closing her eyes for a few seconds she tried to think of topics they could talk about that wouldn't lead to using the words: bed, together, sleep, sex, or stay. She really didn't want to hear any of those words come out of his mouth. She wasn't sure she could handle it. Not so soon after she had managed to embarrass herself twice in less than twelve hours. The second time she hadn't even been awake but it still counted. It was still something she wished hadn't happened and yet she wanted to experience it again. Why did he have to be so warm?

_**  
Waking slowly from a satisfying sleep, Lisbon curled deeper into her pillow. The warmth of the bed made her vow to stay in it as long as possible despite the fact that she was in the process of waking up. It didn't matter, the warmth under her cheek, the gentle rise and fall and the soft lullaby thumping in her ears could easily put her back to sleep. It resembled a heartbeat. Her eyes flew open when her sleep numbed mind finally caught up. Her pillow was warm, moving and had a heartbeat. She was using Jane as a pillow, oh this was bad. First she'd humiliated herself by agreeing to have sex with him when that's not even what he was talking about and now she was sleeping on his chest. This was bad. It was the exact same position they'd been in the first morning they woke together but the roles were reversed. This time she was the one practically on top of him, but her head was snuggled into the crook of neck and she could feel his arm around her waist._

_Trying to move was futile, every wiggle made him grasp her tighter. He had a death grip while sleeping. That she learned quickly. There was no way to move away from him without waking him but she had to try. She couldn't handle the embarrassment of staying like this. Easing her body off of him only resulted in him once again tightening his hold. She tried to roll out from under the arm but that didn't work either. Finally she gave up being subtle about it. She had to get out. She couldn't lie like this with him another second, it was just torture. A type of taunting of something she could never have. With one final jerk, she was away from him but he was startled into a sitting position by the harsh movement._

_"Sorry, I...uh bathroom." He didn't try to stop her from hiding this time, she used the shower as her excuse to stay and when she came back out Jane was gone.  
**_

Lisbon had almost dozed off when the car came to a halt outside of a nice looking house. She didn't blame Mike Gregson for not wanting to return to his apartment. The scene was horrible and she couldn't imagine what that would be like. She followed Jane out of the car and up the front steps, they still hadn't said anything to each other but she didn't really mind. There wasn't anything that she needed to say and something told her that if she opened her mouth she'd only embarrass herself yet again.

Jane tried to ignore the fact that he and Lisbon hadn't spoken much at all. He needed to focus on other things at the moment but he still didn't think she should be so humiliated. It wasn't that big of a deal. And honestly he found it touching that she'd agree to do something like that for him in hopes to make him feel better. Knocking gently on the door he awaited an answer. He really didn't blame the man for not wanting to return to his own home. Even though he had left the smiley painted on the wall in his bedroom, he didn't expect others to do the same. He left it for punishment for what he'd cost himself, for what he'd lost because he was being selfish.

"May I help you?" A little girl about six or seven, Jane guessed, opened the door. Big blue red rimmed eyes and tangled brown curls thrown up into a ponytail. He was slightly taken aback by the little one and Lisbon covered for him.

"Hi, sweetie, is Mike around? We're with the police." It was easier than explaining CBI to a kid. Jane gave her a soft smile to show he appreciated what she'd done.

"Are you Patrick Jane?" The question floored them both but the little girl just stared at him with wide eyes. "Mr. Thomas said you'd come."

"Vic, who are you talking...oh Agent Lisbon, I wish I could say it was nice to see you again." A tall mall with brown hair and glasses came up behind the little girl and rested a hand on her shoulder. "There's hot chocolate on the table Victoria."

"Mr. Thomas told me to tell you he misses you and that he'll be back soon." Jane was stunned into silence by the subtle lingering threat those words held. The little girl was innocent no doubt and had no clue what she was implying but he had a theory on who this Mr. Thomas really was. He just couldn't form any words at the moment and thankfully Lisbon was there.

"Who's Mr. Thomas, sweetie?"

"Oh that's just an imaginary friend she has. You know six year olds." The little one in question stomped her foot and crossed her arms over her chest.

"He's real, I'm not fibbing. I'm telling the truth."

"I believe you Victoria." Jane finally found the ability to speak again. He had several questions but one that was the most important. "How did you know that I'm Patrick Jane?" Flashing everyone a quick smile she ran into the next room for a few seconds and then came flying back in with something folded in her small tiny hands. She handed it to Jane and he took it cautiously, unfolded it and had to choke back the sob that threatened to spill out. There staring back at him, was the smiling faces of his family. The portrait he carried in his wallet, except this one was bigger. He turned away from the prying eyes and silently thanked Lisbon for knowing he needed some time alone when he heard her usher Mike Gregson and little Victoria into the next room.

* * *

There were three agents sitting back at the makeshift headquarters they had set up at the local PD. There was something about this Red John case that was different they just didn't know what it was yet but they knew they needed to find it.

Cho sifted through one case file, reading over the material again and again silently begging for something to pop out at him. Nothing did but it was a nice thought. He wanted this case to be over. He wanted to catch Red John and give Jane some peace of mind. It wasn't fair that the poor man suffered so much. It really wasn't and Cho hated it. He hated that there was nothing they could do to make it better because even being the best team hadn't helped so far. They still weren't any closer to catching the son of a bitch. But they had to keep trying. For Jane. He was their friend, he was part of their family now.

Rigsby was tired, he was slightly hungry but most importantly he was sick of going through file after file. There wasn't anything they had missed but it was all they could do. With no leads and no new evidence the only option was to re-read old files until something jumped out. Thing was, with Red John nothing ever jumped out because the guy was too clever at covering his tracks. He was human, so he had to make some kind of mistakes they just hadn't found any yet. Rigsby really hoped they'd catch a break with this case. He didn't like seeing what it did to everyone. If it affected Jane then it took a toll on everybody else as well. It was just the way it happened. The man had become like that annoying brother who always gets them into trouble.

Van Pelt typed away at the computer, she was so sick of these cases. She hated them, she hated what they did to the people around her but most of all she hated what they did to Jane. He acted so different, so cold when it came to Red John. It wasn't fair that one man had taken so much from him. It wasn't right and yet it had happened. She really hoped they could find something, that they could catch a break because otherwise this case would end up being one more file they had to read through over and over the next time Red John killed someone. It hurt her to see Jane so miserable but she'd noticed something, he didn't act as miserable around Lisbon. Maybe she helped him somehow. After all she had seen him walking to Lisbon's room really early this morning. It wasn't any of her business but she couldn't stop her curious mind.

"Hey guys, do you think Jane and Lisbon are involved romantically." She asked hoping to get intellectual answers but all she got was a 'Not yet.' from Cho and Rigsby's 'I don't know.' Men.

* * *

Lisbon walked next to a silent, solemn looking Jane as they headed back to the car. She almost wanted to ask for the keys because honestly he didn't look like he could focus long enough to get them back safely. Yet she knew that driving was probably something that would help him at a time like this. The only upside was that they now had someone who might be able to help them out with the case.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." He didn't sound fine but she knew to just take his word for it. Arguing would get her nowhere.

"Alright just don't run off and do anything stupid without telling me first." She'd said it using a teasing tone. There was even a smirk playing at her lips as she tried to lighten the mood. Something like that usually worked.

"Says the woman who agreed to have sex with me just so I'd feel better." His words cut through her like a knife, there was no hint of teasing in his voice. No sparkle in his eyes, they were dark and sinister, angry and full of hatred. Lisbon pulled open the passenger side door and dropped down into the seat before Jane could see how much those words had hurt. She couldn't believe he'd brought that up in such a way. She should've known. A few tears leaked out no matter how hard she tried to fight them. It wasn't fair that he held so much power over her.

Jane hated the words he'd said to her as soon as they were out of his mouth. He had meant for them to be teasing, joking the way she'd been doing with him but something made them come out harsh and angry instead. He didn't know what but he really wasn't angry with her, at least he didn't think so. He cursed himself as he climbed behind the wheel. Lisbon stared out the window and he knew it was because she was trying to hide how much he'd hurt her. He didn't know how to make it better so he didn't try. The drive was spent in relative silence except for the occasional quiet sniffle from Lisbon as she failed to hide her emotions. He hated that he'd made her cry and yet he couldn't form the words to tell her he was sorry.

**a/n: Arg. I hope I remembered all the important stuff. This really pisses me off.**


	6. The Spark

**Disclaimer: Even updating quickly doesn't get me anything. Nope, not owning The Mentalist. **

**A/N: Gasp. Shock. Falls Over. I know I know, two updates in just a days time, crazy huh? Just don't get used to it, I have no idea how I even managed to pull this one off. ;) Probably has something to do with being on a Starbucks rush. Hee!! This chapter is all Jane and Lisbon. I re-wrote the ending after I sent out some of the review replies. So I took out the part where Jane acted all Jerk-like AGAIN and added something different. I believe you'll like it better.**

Avoiding Jane wasn't an easy task while trying to keep an eye on him at the same time. The only way to describe Lisbon's feelings would be, torn. She felt awkward around him now. An ache had settled in her chest after they had arrived back at base camp, the local PD. She missed her office and the ability to close herself off from the rest of the team when she needed to. What she wouldn't have given for that privacy right then. Instead, the only thing she could do was sit at a make shift desk right across from Van Pelt and right next to Jane. He had kept glancing over at her, but she ducked her head and tried her best to ignore the looks. It had worked for awhile, they all carried on in silence only speaking when necessary and only about things pertinent to the case. Lisbon knew the team noticed her behavior towards Jane. They would have to have been dumb not to, and her team was not dumb.

Ignoring the ache only worked so long, she could push it down while around other people and while working but once she was alone all bets were off. Once they'd made it back to the hotel and separated ways it became well known. She hated that one man who she had tried to keep at arms length could do this to her by one harsh sentence. As if she hadn't felt like a big enough fool to begin with, he just had to make it worse.

Collapsing onto the mattress did nothing to help. The bed smelled like him and even though the maid had straightened the blankets, the pillow was still dented from where he'd rested his head. Her fingers traced the contours before she could even think of what she was doing; her memory flashing back to how it felt to wake up in someone's arms. In a split second of clarity she frowned, balled her hand into a fist and punched the pillow. Just the thought of him sleeping next to, holding her, made her mood change to one filled with anger. What the hell was wrong with her? Jane's words should not be able to have such an effect on her, for crying out loud. She hadn't done anything wrong, he was just being an ass.

The longer she thought about it the more she realized that he'd said what he did because he was hurting. Her heart went out to him, she hated that Red John liked to torment him but it still didn't give him the right to be an asshole towards her. She was the one trying to help him.

With a determined look on her face, Lisbon climbed back off of the bed and proceeded to march right out the door. This was stupid and pointless. If Jane wanted to be mad at her then he better have a damn good reason because she wasn't about to just sit back and take it. There was no point in them avoiding each other, it would only make things more strained between them. Yes, she had been dead set on avoiding him but now she was too pissed off and she needed to vent her frustrations to someone. Jane was her only option. Dragging the rest of the team into something like this would be too messy and way too personal for her liking. They didn't need to know about anything that had happened the last couple of days. This was private and between just the two of them. Whether Jane liked it or not she was about to end their little sleeping arrangement.

Lisbon walked up to his door, raised her fist and then pounded, none too softly. If this is how they ended up treating each other after sharing a bed for two nights then she didn't want to share anymore. Her hand didn't stop beating until the door opened. She refused to be ignored tonight. She'd been so intent on knocking that she almost hit him in the face. She would have if he hadn't caught her wrist mid knock. His fingers felt warm against her bare skin causing a tingling sensation at the point of contact. She pulled her wrist from his grasp and forced her way through the door, not even bothering to let him protest. As soon as he opened his mouth she shot him a look and for once he listened by keeping quiet.

Neither of them spoke for a few minutes. Lisbon paced the length of the room in front of his bed, running her hands through her hair and trying not to notice that he'd shed his vest and his shirt was no longer buttoned. She couldn't think about that right now, she had things she wanted to say.

"You had no right Jane." Her voice was low and calm despite all the different emotions bursting inside of her. Finally pausing to look up at him, she watched as he dropped his gaze to the floor. "I'm trying to help you dammit!"

"I know."

"Do you? Because from the way you treated me this afternoon I'm not so sure." Anger flashed in her eyes as he tried to step closer. She stepped away dodging the hand that tried to touch her arm.

"Lisbon I..."

"I know this case is hard, okay hard is an understatement and I know today didn't make it any better but you don't have to take it out on me!" When she'd started her rant the words were low and soft, now here she was practically yelling at him but she just wanted him to understand.

"Hard? Yeah, it's hard." The venom in his voice was back but Lisbon had prepared herself for this. She knew what he was trying to do but she wasn't going to let him.

"Don't. Just stop it. I'm not your emotional punching bag so just stop! It won't work, you're not pushing me away that easily." As soon as the sentence hung in the air, she watched his eyes flash. She'd hit a nerve, she knew that's what he was trying to do even if it was unintentional. There was something dark behind his gaze, almost scary but she wasn't afraid of Jane. He stepped closer and she stepped back. This game continued until her back hit the wall, but that didn't stop him. He kept advancing until their bodies were almost pressed together and their breath mingled. If this was any other situation she might have been extremely turned on but in reality she was just worried.

"Why did you agree, in not so many words, to sleep with me?"

"That's not what we're talking about Jane." Her voice came out a lot softer than she had intended.

"Technically it is. I was rude to you and used it against you. I want to know why. Pity? That it? I don't need the pity." Every word he spoke left soft puffs of air blowing across her face. He sounded more defeated than angry now.

"I don't pity you. Think of how you worded it Jane. You were sitting so close and touching me, I just thought...I mean, I wanted...I don't," The feel of his lips pressed against her own muffled the rest of her reply. Her eyes widened slightly before fluttering closed. She would have pushed him away if he'd kissed her just minutes ago but this was different. He was being gentle, even bringing his hand up to caress her neck as he brushed his lips over hers. Lisbon had been stunned by the initial touch but with the light pressure and warmth, she started to kiss him back. And then, just like that, he was pulling away.

"I'm sorry Lisbon. I just...I needed that." Her heart dropped in her chest as she opened her eyes to meet his apologetic ones. She thought that was actually something but it was just his way of getting comfort. She couldn't say anything, she'd given him permission after all. How she wished she could take back everything she'd said last night. "I need you to go before I do something stupid. Please."

"You should get Cho or Rigsby to stay with you if it'll help you sleep." Even on the way out the door Lisbon could only think of the fact that she'd told him she'd stay with him, _as in comfort sex_, and he'd just told her to leave. Since when was Jane ever the bigger person? This was good though, because just one statement could have ruined their relationship which meant that if they did sleep together they'd lose everything they already had. She couldn't deal with that. Yet she knew if he asked or made the move then she would say okay, she wouldn't stop him. It drove her crazy that she would consider it but for some reason she couldn't make herself believe that she could push him away. She knew that her feelings would get in the way and she'd end up just going with it.

Jane watched the door close quietly behind Lisbon's retreating form. He had to physically hold himself back from grabbing her hand and pulling her back into the room. That kiss had left a lot of questions in his mind. It was hard to ask her to leave but it was for the best, even if she had agreed to something like this it was still best to try and avoid the situation. He didn't want to use her, not like that. Whether or not he'd be able to control himself was a different matter, but he had to try. Maybe after they went back to Sacramento things would be different but he didn't want to sleep with her in some hotel while trying to catch his wife and child's killer. All of it seemed wrong but the temptation had been eating away at him since that first morning he'd woke with his head pressed into her chest. Lisbon was special to him, he wanted her to know that.

She was an amazing woman, and he felt bad enough for hurting her feelings. He refused to add to it. A lonely tear rolled down his cheek when he thought of his family, joined by more when he thought of how Lisbon was the only one who could help him. He'd lied a bit, stretched the truth. He didn't sleep more with her around, he just wasn't as lonely and when he did actually fall asleep it always seemed more refreshing. He knew Cho or Rigsby couldn't help with that so he didn't even bother going to them. He'd suffer for tonight, he'd be alone with his tears because he didn't want to see hurt in Lisbon's eyes again. He'd seen it after he apologized for the kiss, stronger than what he'd seen when he had acted like a jackass. He didn't know how long he could keep himself from doing it again. He could still feel her lips against his own, he hadn't planned on kissing her and he hadn't planned to say he was sorry and write it off as just seeking comfort. Either things between them would be better, or worse after this night. For some reason, he figured worse.

**a/n: Not sure when I'll update again. I'm going to work on Temptation for a bit. I know I already updated it but I think I should get a few chapters ahead. It's not everyones cup of tea _but _right now it's holding my mind captive. It's already pulling way more readers and reviewers than I thought possible so I feel the need to make it awesome. I'm very pleased with it. Melt is definitely still my baby though.**


	7. The Apology

**Disclaimer: No infringement was intended. I don't own it.**

**A/N: I am on a roll guys. New story, plus new chapter of Temptation and now a new chapter of Melt. WHOOP! Sorry, it's 7:12 am and I haven't went to bed yet. I knew my insomnia would be back. It was gone for a few days and now its visiting again. Onward to the chapter!!**

Staring off into space, Lisbon didn't notice that she was the subject of someones lingering gaze. She was too busy thinking about how little sleep she had gotten the night before and how truly tired she was. Her mind had replayed her confrontation with Jane over and over in her head. Mainly on repeat was the kiss and when she had finally managed to doze off, she'd been plagued with dreams involving what might have happened after that locking of lips if Jane hadn't told her to leave. Her body was betraying her, even now she found herself wondering how far he would have went; how far she would have let him go. It didn't matter though, he'd told her to go and she had. She'd been fool enough to think the kiss meant something and then he'd stomped her hopes by apologizing for it.

She knew she shouldn't have even been thinking about any of that while they were technically going over case files but she couldn't make her brain stop. The last couple of nights she'd managed a peek inside Jane's facade. He'd let his mask slip and she had felt special, knowing that he usually didn't let people in. Still, this was a Red John case that deserved her full attention and yet she couldn't give it. Everything that had been going on between her and Jane - the hot and cold moments, it was all interfering with her work. She silently wondered if Jane had been as cold and restless as she had been in that huge hotel room bed. She'd tossed and turned for hours, never being able to find a comfortable position and cursing herself aloud for becoming spoiled to Jane's touch.

"Lisbon," A hand brushed against hers, pulling her from her thoughts of Jane and straight back to the reality of sitting right next to him. "I wanted to ask if we could have Victoria come in. She might be able to describe Red John to a sketch artist."

"Uh, yeah, I already set it up. She's supposed to be in tomorrow morning." A part of Lisbon wanted to be snarky and make a comment about how he'd never bothered to ask permission on anything before but the grief behind his pale green eyes stopped her. This wasn't the time.

"Good. Someone is watching the house at all times right?" She knew the question was only asked because he needed the comfort of hearing her answer. He knew that the local PD had been watching the house in shifts since they found out that the little girl had been near Red John but she answered him anyway. If they'd resorted to only talking business then she wanted to at least be able to comfort him while she was at it.

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry Teresa, about everything." Her heart constricted when her first name rolled off of his tongue and she was suddenly grateful that the rest of the team were out and about. Even with the open statement she knew exactly what he was talking about. Their conversation from the night before hadn't exactly led anywhere and he was apologizing for all of it and so much more. His eyes were sincere, sad and she wanted to hug him. She had to will her arms to stay put. She longed to hold him close, to tell him through touch that they'd be okay but she didn't move. She couldn't let herself do that. Touching is what had led to the mess they were already in, she would not make it worse.

"Jane..." Jane watched Lisbon closely as different conflicting emotions flashed in her eyes. He knew exactly how she was feeling and yet he couldn't bring himself to do anything about it.

"I'm just saying that I'm sorry." There were no more words spoken, Lisbon was speechless and he didn't have anything else he wanted to say. So he didn't press the issue when she abruptly turned back to the file in front of her. He let his gaze linger on her as he went over all the facts in his head. They really weren't any closer to catching Red John unless Victoria could give them a description and even then that didn't guarantee his capture. What Jane was really concerned about was the little girl's life and his relationship with Lisbon.

He had spent the entire night lying awake fighting with the blankets because he missed having her next to him. He hated the fact that his body had become spoiled to her warmth. The bed had seemed cold without her. His arms had seemed empty and just kept getting in the way when he tossed. He never knew he could become addicted to something in just a couple nights but he had. It didn't matter now though, he'd messed it up and she deserved more anyway. It shouldn't have bothered him to know he wasn't what she needed but it did. It made him long for her even more.

He knew he should be focusing on the case, and he was but he was also focused on the woman next to him. He thought back to that kiss they'd shared in his room. He may have initiated it but she had reciprocated. It hadn't been only for comfort, it had been because he just wanted to kiss her. He still wasn't sure why he'd told her otherwise or why she took him seriously. He thought it probably had something to do with the case. She probably figured the only reason he stayed the night in her room and kissed her was because of the case. It might have had a part in it but to be honest he'd been wanting kiss her long before that. It was true that he was more emotional on these cases and that he made rash reckless decisions, more so then usual but just being in the room with her kept him a little more grounded.

It was also true that he used her as a comfort mechanism but that's not the only reason he wanted to be near her. He didn't want to use her just so he didn't have to think of the family he'd lost. No, he wanted to remember them. He wanted to share them with her. He just had to make things right with her first and he needed to catch the man who murdered them.

"I couldn't sleep last night." The words were out of his mouth and into the air before Jane could stop them. Spoken soft enough that passersby couldn't hear the private conversation.

"Me neither." He hadn't expected her whispered reply but it made him brave enough to reach for her hand. Her eyes closed and she drew in a deep breath when he gently threaded his fingers through hers. "Jane, don't do this. Please, not now."

Her soft plea almost made him let go and continue working but the way her eyes met his as she used her free hand to swipe her bangs to the side kept him from dropping her hand. He had lied to her a lot in just a few days and it was time for him to start telling the truth. No more of him playing hot and cold. He needed her because he had a nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach that this case had the potential to tear him apart.

"I lied. I'm not sorry that I kissed you, Lisbon."

**a/n: I'm hoping everyone enjoyed this little chapter. Yes it's kind of short but trust me it's building up to a bigger one and not to mention I really should get to bed. I just felt like giving you guys a lil' somethin' somethin' for being awesome enough to read this. ;) **


	8. The Gaze

**Disclaimer: Nope, not owning it.**

**CHAPTER FIVE HAS BEEN FIXED. (Somehow when I uploaded this chapter it put it as 5 too. So I had to retype 5 from scratch. I'm rather pissed about that.)**

**A/N: So the episode last night was beyond awesome. And HOLY MOLY for the last chapter getting 23 reviews. Seriously that is just so cool! That being said...here's a new chapter. Hope you enjoy. Rather quick update here. I'm actually pleased with this chapter although it's mainly all thoughts, pretty much a filler leading up to the next chapter which will be rather interesting.**

_"I lied. I'm not sorry that I kissed you, Lisbon."_

The memory of his lips pressed against her own flashed through Lisbon's mind as soon as his words registered. He wasn't sorry. What did that mean? She wasn't entirely sure but his eyes were honest. Over time she'd learned to see past his lies and straight into the man he always tried to hide. She'd learned to tell the difference between his lying eyes and his truly honest ones. The way they searched her own with a hint of worry lingering, told her that he was being truthful. He really wasn't sorry and she still didn't know what that meant. She wanted to say something but she didn't have a clue as to what. It didn't help at all that his hand was still entwined with hers; his thumb gently massaging her skin. This all reminded her of the night she'd humiliated herself. He'd had the same look in his eyes and he'd been touching her with the same light gentle caress.

"Jane, I...I don't know what you mean by that." Lisbon really didn't want to embarrass herself again by taking something the wrong way. She'd rather not have to lock herself in the bathroom for the second time in a three day span. Jane's gaze fell to their joined hands as a few seconds of silence washed over them, it only confirmed that he wasn't joking around. This was serious.

"Exactly what I said. I'm not sorry and I don't regret it."

"I don't think this is the most appropriate time to discuss thi..."

"Just hear me out, please?" Lisbon tried to pull her hand away but he held it tighter and tugged it closer to his lap. When she finally sighed and gave a slight nod of her head, he continued. "In the last four days I've been very different towards you. I tell you I want to open up to you only to push you away and then when I tried to make it right I ended up being a jackass and pushing you farther. I am sorry about all of it but that kiss. I'm sorry for making you believe it meant nothing, that it was just a means of comfort. It wasn't."

"We shouldn't be talking about this here." Talking wasn't exactly the best way to keep things a secret, even if they were using hushed tones. Honestly though Lisbon was stalling her reply. She hadn't come up with one yet, and she couldn't manage to form the words to say she forgave him for being an ass. It just wasn't in the cards yet, she couldn't push down the feelings that he'd evoked by using something so personal and humiliating against her. "We'll finish this later."

"I want to stay with you tonight. I'll sleep on the floor if you want." Lisbon let her eyes slip shut as a tired frustrated sigh left her lips. "You won't even know I'm there."

"Bring your own blanket and pillows." She wasn't sure why she'd caved so easily but for now she'd blame the exhaustion. It was hard enough to work as it was, she didn't need him to make it any harder. It also might have been the fact that she'd tossed for hours on end and apparently he'd done the same. Maybe they both just needed the comfort of knowing that they're not alone.

Finally freeing her hand from his grasp, she turned back to the open files lain out in front of her. All the words were starting to blur together but she couldn't just turn away. Ever since she was a kid, reading always managed to make her drift off if she was tired and it just made even harder to keep her eyes open now. The only thing that kept her awake was contemplating everything Jane had just shared with her and what it meant for them. She knew she really should have been thinking about the case but how was she supposed to do that when he was sitting so close and they'd shared a kiss the night before? How was she supposed to sit there and pretend nothing out of the ordinary had happened when they'd been sharing a bed and waking up entangled for two out of three nights? It was all because of this case, maybe that's how she was supposed to look at it. It was the base of their problems. If they managed to solve it what would happen then? Jane had already told her that they weren't going to catch him this time but that was before they had Victoria. She was the break they'd been waiting for.

Jane kept stealing glances of the woman next to him, he had wanted her to know that he didn't regret anything besides the way he'd been acting towards her. Now that it was out in the open he still had a feeling that she apprehensive about forgiving him. He didn't blame her really, he'd used the one thing she'd been absolutely humiliated by against her. He'd been such a jerk and she didn't deserve it. His eyes wandered over the side of her face, taking in the slope of her nose and the pout of her lips. He remembered vividly what those lips felt and tasted like. She really was beautiful, classically so. She held that natural beauty that so many other women would die for. He wasn't sure why his emotions chose now to toy with him, why they chose this case. One where he should be remembering his family, not thinking about what might happen when he's alone with Lisbon tonight.

The first night, when she'd been seeking a warm bed, he was conflicted just as he was now. He wasn't sure if this was just his way of dealing with yet another attempt at catching Red John or if he was actually capable of moving on. He couldn't pinpoint when he'd started thinking about Lisbon as more than just a means to an end. Truthfully that's what the entire team had been. Just a way to get to Red John but now they were more than that - although he knew he'd end up disappointing them - and Lisbon was a little more than a friend. She was his favorite and whenever she was around he didn't feel quite so lost. Ignoring the files in front of him, ones including his family's, he kept studying her. Really there wasn't anything they'd missed in those files and they both knew it. When Lisbon dipped her head a little to read something, her hair fell to cover her face and Jane didn't stop his itching hand from reaching out. He gently pushed the hair back behind her ear, letting the tips of his fingers dance across her cheek. Only for a split second - they were technically in a public place - but it was long enough for her to turn into the touch. As soon as he let the hand drop, her gaze met his. Intense stares seemed to be their theme for the day. He missed joking around with her.

"We should really work Jane."

"Right, sorry." Lisbon cursed herself for agreeing to let him stay in her room. They'd gotten way too close, there was no way she could remain clear headed. She almost gave in and reached for his hand but the moment was ruined when she saw her team walking towards them. Later, she would be able to comfort him later. She knew he was acting this way because of the circumstances and she hated what Red John could do to him.

"Hey, Boss. We brought you guys something to eat." Despite everything that had been brewing inside, Lisbon was actually a little annoyed that Van Pelt had interrupted. Something told her the rest of her day wasn't going to be easy.

* * *

Jane was standing in the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror and wondering if Lisbon was still okay with the idea of him sleeping in her room tonight. He wasn't sure he was okay with it anymore. Splashing cold water on his face, he decided that he needed to show her that he appreciated everything she'd done for him. He grabbed the pillows from the bed, along with the blanket and some things from the nightstand before heading to the door. He hoped nobody saw him. He didn't know how he'd explain this one, surely he could come up with something though.

Knocking wasn't necessary once he made it to her door, which was good considering he wasn't sure he could've managed. She opened it before he had the chance to even try and almost ran straight into him. Obviously she was rather distracted by something.

"Hey."

"I was coming talk to you." She sounded a little nervous and he could tell that she was trying her best to hide it. This whole thing reminded him of when she'd shown up at his door because her heater didn't work.

"If you're not comfortable with me staying tonight I understand."

"No, it's not that. Actually it's rather pointless now that I think about it." Jane wanted to ask, he wanted to know what she'd been coming to him talk to him about but he let it go for the time being and stepped into the warm room. He felt a little out of place considering he'd already changed into pajamas and Lisbon was still in her usual work attire minus the rather messy ponytail.

He dropped his pile of stuff into the floor beside the bed - the side he knew she slept on. Things got awkwardly silent before he could even arrange the pillows he'd brought. Jane had a feeling it'd be like this tonight and he didn't like it. He missed their usual banter. Thankfully he'd brought a something that could fix the way they'd been acting around each other but first he had a few things he needed to tell her. He hadn't exactly been very truthful when he told her that she wouldn't even know he was there.

"Lisbon, I...here." The small rectangle he'd been clutching in his palm was now between two fingers and outstretched for her to take it. "This was taken a few months before..."

"Jane, really you don't need to show or tell me anything."

"I told you I want to. I'm trying." His voice had dropped to a whisper and Lisbon couldn't help herself from reaching out and gently grasping the small family photo he'd been holding. She knew what his family looked like, she'd seen photos before and the one that Victoria had given him, which was now being processed as evidence. He acted like this was something he needed to do so she let him. Staring down at the smiling faces, she couldn't help but think back to the last family portrait she'd been a part of. She'd always hated being forced to smile but if she'd known what had lay ahead then she wouldn't have made such a fuss about it.

"They're beautiful." It was true, but she felt stupid for saying it. After the words were out, she felt like a fool but she didn't know what to say in this kind of situation. She didn't know what he wanted to hear. The longer she stared, the crime scene photos started flashing to the front of her memory and she wondered if that's what happened in Jane's mind as well. It'd been worse for him, they were his family, and he'd been the one to find them. Cautiously handing the wallet sized picture back to him, she forced herself to meet his gaze.

"If you're not too tired, I have cards. I thought we might play some poker or go fish, something." They both knew that neither of them had slept well the night before but Lisbon wasn't about to pass up the opportunity to ease some of the discomfort that had settled around them. She hated the uneasy tension and this could possibly fix it. A slow easy smile appeared on her face as she nodded and then made herself comfortable on the pallet he had set up on the floor. It took him a minute to realize what she was doing but once he did, he sat down in front of her and fished the deck of cards out of the pillow case.

**a/n: I know I'm a horrible horrible person for just cutting it off like that. But the next chapter will hopefully make up for it. Think card games and the return of some banter/flirting. :) -- Smilies will never be the same for me. Ever. I had a teacher who used to mark my paper with a red smiley every time I got a one hundred. I have tons of those lying around somewhere....creepy thing....it looks a LOT like the Red John Smiley. Just thought I'd share that.**


	9. The Game

**Disclaimer: If I owned the Mentalist, I would make sure Jane wore blue jeans at least once every few episodes. This means I don't own it.**

**A/N: Anyone else loving these quick updates? I thought you might be. ;) BUT all next week I'm taking a bit of a break from fanfic. Don't worry I'm not leaving altogether or anything, just working on a project. So I'm going to try and update this at least two more times, as well as add new chapters to all my other ongoing fics to make up for the absence. **

**By the way, this chapter is dedicated to UnbreakBroken. It's just random little cute stuff. Hope you enjoy. They needed some fluff after the crap I put them through.**

If anyone walked by Lisbon's hotel room door, laughter would be what they'd hear. Infectious female chuckles that didn't come from watching something funny on television or reading an amusing book. This was the sound that only human company could coax out of a person. Judging by sound only, you could tell she was having fun and the answering chuckle, male, sounded just as amused.

"Jane, you can not win eight games in a row and convince me that you're not cheating." The smile that lit up Lisbon's face, had Jane convinced this had been his best idea in the last four days. It had started as a strained card game but now the ease was back. He couldn't believe that she had agreed to play Go Fish with him. Childish and simple, it was something he knew would ease that uncomfortable tension blocking their thoughts and crippling their actions.

"You wound me Lisbon, I would never cheat." Despite the fact that he had indeed been cheating, a grin played at his lips. It was good to see Lisbon happy. Her outfit helped too, she'd finally changed after the fifth game and was now wearing pair of shorts and a tank top. He was slightly worried considering how much trouble her in shorts had gotten him into last time. He'd just have to keep his hands away from her legs. "So do you have any aces?"

"Nope. Go Fish."

"Liar."

"I'm not lying. Now obey the rules and draw a card." There was a sparkle in her eye that he hadn't seen a lot of lately, one that made him do as she said despite the fact that he knew she had two aces hid in her hand. "Have any threes?"

"Go Fish." Mumbling under her breath, Lisbon took a card from the stack in between them. Something told her he probably had at least one three but she couldn't argue with him. It would be pointless and technically she'd lied about the aces. The smirk on his face was worth it though, she'd missed that smirk. The uneasy awkward feeling she'd had around him for the last few days was gone for the time being. She found it funny how a childrens game could take away all of the built up tension. She couldn't tell if it would only be temporary but if it was then she was going to enjoy it while it lasted.

"If you win this round, I'm never playing Go Fish with you, ever again." The joking tone of her voice was soothing and somewhat melodic which eased them back into their banter. They hadn't been bantering in days.

"Well if you don't stop lying about what you have in your hand then I can't win, can I?" Jane flashed her a cocky grin and she didn't deny his accusation this time. Instead she closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around his torso, hugging him tightly.

"I've missed you." It was the truth, she had missed her Jane. Witty and borderline annoying. When she felt one of his arms wrap around her waist, she knew she had him. Everything she said was true, and it felt nice to be in his arms but she was there for a reason. Glancing over her shoulder carefully at the hand that held his four cards, Lisbon grinned. This was the greatest plan she'd come up with all night. Indulging in his warmth a few more seconds she pulled away and met his puzzled gaze. "Any sevens Jane?"

"You saw my cards, didn't you?" The innocent look on her face did nothing to hide the guilt of what she'd just done. "Well, well, well, the mighty Agent Lisbon cheating her way to victory."

"I admit to nothing. Hand them over." Rather reluctantly Jane gave her the two sevens he'd been holding. Lisbon grinned at him mischievously, placed them in a pile next to her thigh and added the two she had in her hand. She was determined to win this game, she just had to stay awake long enough.

"And to think I actually believed you hugged me because you were serious about missing me."

"I was. I don't like how things have become tense between us. I hate it." They both felt the shift as their conversation steered away from the playful tones. Neither of them really minded, this was something that needed to be said and Jane was actually glad that she'd been the one to say it. Tossing the cards down, face up, Jane leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Lisbon's cheek.

"I hate it too and I'm sorry I made it this way." He ignored the way she opened her mouth to contradict what he'd said. This wasn't the time to argue, it was way too late in the night or early in the morning depending on how you look at it. "What do you say we call it a night? Neither of us are going to play fair anyway and to be honest, I'm fighting to stay awake."

"Alright, maybe we'll both actually get some sleep."

It was more like he could see she was fighting with it and that she was getting a little loopy from the lack of rest. He actually liked her loopy, it was cute but it was already after three in the morning and they had to be up in a few hours to meet with Victoria. That could be another reason he felt so much lighter, this was the big break they'd been waiting for in a Red John case. Jane actually wasn't sure it'd be possible to sleep, even with Lisbon around. The excitement he felt towards the thought of having a face to work with might just keep him up.

"Jane?"

"Hm?" Snapping back from his thoughts, Jane realizes that Lisbon is no longer sitting in the floor with him. She'd moved up to the bed and was already partially underneath the covers. Her hand was reached out towards the light next to her but she had a somewhat bemused expression on her face.

"Are you planning to sleep sitting up?" He hadn't even realized how much time had passed since he mentioned that they should propably turn in for the night. He'd been too busy reveling in the fact that they had a lead.

"No, just thinking about something." Falling forward onto the pillows that Lisbon had been clutching all night, he breathed in her scent and closed his eyes. He gave it ten minutes before she joined him in the floor. "Night Lisbon."

The dark was engulfed by silence, comfortable silence, not the tense awkward uncomfortable kind that had been taunting them lately. Lisbon had to admit that she'd had more fun cheating at a simple card game than she had in a long time. It had worked to ease them back into their usual selves which made Go Fish her new favorite card game. Plus, they'd hugged, sure she only did it to look at his cards but it counted. It was still somehow reassuring. She was relieved that they'd been able to move on from the mean things they'd said and the rather rash decisions they'd made. Lisbon was hoping that this meant their relationship hadn't suffered. She hated to think of what it would be like to always walk on eggshells and drown in tense silences.

Staring up into the barely visible ceiling, she wondered if Jane was thinking about the same things. She couldn't help but think it would mean so much more if he was contemplating how they'd almost ruined their relationship in only three days. It would be strangely intimate and even though she knew he wasn't asleep yet, she couldn't bring herself to ask. A part of her felt bad that she was making him sleep in the floor. It really wasn't fair when the bed was plenty big enough for both of them but she really couldn't handle waking in an embarrassing position. Given their track record it would have happened. They both either gravitated towards warmth in their sleep or part of them just wanted to be held. She really wasn't sure which explanation she liked better. Despite how tired she was, her mind wouldn't stop racing. It wouldn't let her relax enough. She was too worked up over the thought of being closer to catching the man who caused Jane so much hurt and sorrow. One little girl was their key and in about five hours they'd be talking to her.

Lisbon couldn't convince herself that those hours would pass quicker if she'd just go to sleep. Turning on her side and glancing down at the man sleeping beside her bed, she whispered his name into the night.

"Jane..." A little louder than the first time. "Jane."

No answer, only soft breathing. She couldn't see his face, he'd tucked it into his arms but she was pretty sure he'd fallen asleep. Her heart fluttered at the vision of him lying face down next to her, hugging the pillow. She could easily crawl out of bed and lie with him but that would be highly inappropriate. As she pushed her blanket back and out of the way, Lisbon realized she didn't care that it wasn't appropriate. They'd kissed and he was the one who said he didn't regret it. She didn't either but for some reason she hadn't got around to telling him that.

One foot made it to the floor, then the other as she sat up slowly hoping not to make any noise. It had only been about twenty minutes since she'd turned the light out but she knew that she couldn't sleep with him so close without being able to touch. She didn't bother standing up, she just sort of shimmied her way to the floor. She still couldn't see his face but it didn't really bother her. Situating herself next to him, Lisbon let one hand rest against his back and then found herself lying down. For a few minutes she studied him, usually she was never this close while still awake. A few inches and her lips would be solidly pressed to his cheek. Her breast was already pushing against his shoulder but he didn't flinch. His breathing was slow and gentle, soothing her, causing her eyes to droop tiredly. It did unnerve her a little that she slept better with him in reach. Just as she was starting to doze off into that beautiful realm between sleep and wake, he moved. An arm wrapped around her waist as he rolled onto his side and tugged her to his chest.

Once again fully alert, Lisbon stiffened when she saw that his eyes were open. Seconds passed and neither of them said anything or bothered to try and pull away.

"We'll wake up like this anyway, so we might as well." She relaxed against him when he dipped his head to kiss her softly. "I was waiting for you. It took you ten minutes longer than I thought."

Her protest was cut off by his lips, another kiss just as soft as the first. He'd better be careful, she could get used to this. The spark it sent coursing through her only fueled her desire for him. She moved her mouth freely against his knowing that it wouldn't be written off as a mistake. Neither of them would regret it and really she just couldn't stop him even if she wanted to. She was losing herself in the feeling until he nipped at her bottom lip and let one hand slide down to her hip. Jane had better control than she did. He pulled away and hugged her tighter while whispering in her ear. She didn't pay attention to the words but she knew it had been something resembling 'I missed you too' and 'Sleep well, Teresa'. There was also a soft 'Don't leave' thrown in. She heard that one loud and clear, and decided that she wouldn't. She couldn't. This case was starting to wear on everyone and she found herself needing him just as he needed her.

Lisbon burrowed herself into him. He was right, they would have ended up tangled together anyway. It felt a lot different though, doing it on purpose while still awake but it also felt good. It was a new experience for them to actually be awake and looking at one another when pulling each other close and tangling limbs in the process. It was intimate and something they definitely couldn't walk away from. They could have shied away from the kiss without regretting it. They could have just moved on but this meant something else. It was deeper without being suffocating or alarming. A hand started lazily stroking her hair as she buried her head in his neck and closed her eyes. This time she wouldn't need to freak out when she woke up snuggled into the warmth of Patrick Jane.

**a/n: Next chapter is back to the case. This story is nearing the end, I'm shooting for 12 or 14 chapters. We shall see. **


	10. The Flame

**Disclaimer: No infringement intended. I don't own the Mentalist or the characters.**

**A/N: Okay, I'm sorry that the updates have been delayed. I'm even more sorry to tell you that it'll be this way for awhile. Some things have happened so I'm taking a bit of break, I'll _try _to post when I get the urge. I'm just not promising anything. I'm not abandoning any of my stories I'm just taking a little vacation. But like I said if I get the urge, or manage to type something up then I'll post it. Ya'll are so amazing with the reviews, I appreciate every single one of them. Thank you! I really never thought this story would get so many. :D**

**Warning: Beginning and middle has some interesting situations if ya know what I mean. *wink* I wasn't sure if I should bump the rating but I didn't think it's that bad. If you do, just tell me. Anyway...**

A dull aching pulse roused Jane from his sleep, the annoying pain originating from the leg pinned between Lisbon's thighs. His right hip was flat against the floor, another pain due to staying in the same position for too long on such a rough surface. They'd shifted in their sleep, just as he'd suspected they would. It didn't matter. This time they'd been fully alert when they had nestled into each other but they hadn't been this close. Their limbs had retained a respectable distance away from certain areas that could be considered danger zones but based off how they always woke, he guessed their bodies just didn't care about boundaries. He really didn't mind the intimate contact but he needed to move or he was going to be incredibly sore. Silently berating himself for being dumb enough to stay in the floor, Jane wiggled the trapped leg in hopes to gain some leeway. The only thing he succeeded in doing was fueling his overactive imagination.

Part of him wondered if his wife would be ashamed of the way he'd been acting, another part of him didn't let that thought last very long. It was pointless, she was dead and he had to live with that. Red John had taken her away and now the closest thing he had to finding comfort was Teresa Lisbon. She was still there for him after he'd treated her worse than dirt. She still lingered next to him, still slept peacefully while he stayed awake just to watch her. He didn't know if he'd ever move on, if he would ever love but there was only one person he'd be willing to even try with and at that moment she had his shirt loosely gripped in her hands.

There really wasn't a lot of things that could get him hot and bothered but Lisbon managed. It wasn't that she was the only woman but she was the only one he'd been sharing a bed with for three nights. He still noticed beautiful women, he was a man. He noticed if they wore skimpy clothing or if they were more conservative. He liked when they didn't give away all their secrets. Barely there clothing was kind of like only wrapping a present halfway. You'd still open it if you wanted what was inside but it wasn't quite as satisfying as being completely surprised. In this case, he was used to Lisbon in work clothes, then he'd seen her in baggy pajamas and now that he'd seen her in shorts. It was like unwrapping the present slowly, but he was starting to get impatient. A man could only take so much and the way she clamped her legs tighter while shifting her hips didn't help lessen the flame she had unknowingly lit. A soft groan fell from his lips as he tried once again to free himself. Her face pressed into his neck and her body nuzzled further into him, one hand sliding around to his curls. A sharp intake of breath on his part as she sighed, her lips brushing his skin.

Jane wasn't the type of man to take advantage of someone but if she kept moving her hips against his leg then he wasn't sure he could be held responsible for his actions. The pain in the right half of his lower body was forgotten momentarily as he pulled back to watch the moonlight dance across her face. He hadn't slept as long as he would've liked. It was just about to be five am and they'd waited until after three to lie down. Time wasn't an issue for him, he knew he hadn't slept because of the excitement and dread he felt. It was always like this if there was something that could be considered a lead in the Red John case. He was excited about it and yet he dreaded it at the same time. He decided if he was going to be awake he might as well keep himself occupied.

Shifting his weight to rest some of it on Lisbon, he moaned in relief. The pain subsided and although he felt a little sorry for the woman who was now partially pinned beneath him, he was also enjoying the soft mewling grunt that escaped her mouth. A frown settled over her features at the weight on her chest but she didn't struggle against him, she just wiggled beneath him until she was comfortable. Something he really wished she hadn't done. He couldn't keep lying like this with her, kissing her, being able to touch her without actually _touching _her. He tried propping himself up on one hand only to be foiled in his attempts by a rather sexual sounding moan and a rocking of hips from his sleeping partner. If he hadn't been so completely aroused by it he would've woke her up just to torment her about her dream. He figured all this time she'd been in the throws of an intimate fantasy land but he'd just realized it by that sound. It certainly explained why she kept moving in such an alluring manner when she usually didn't even toss once she was good and asleep. The touch was something he wasn't used to, it had him biting his lip to stifle a groan. The feel of her doing something so sensual against him left him falling forward before he could control himself.

* * *

A sharp blunt jab to the ribs managed to wake Lisbon from her dream of Jane, minus clothing, being in her bed. Groaning and slightly winded from the blow she let her eyes flutter open to the darkness of the hotel room. This was not where she wanted to be, she preferred the dreamland. That is, until she noticed Jane looming over her, his breath coming out in soft pants against her mouth. His eyes wide and showing something she hadn't seen before; arousal. He was staring at her, bewilderment and amusement playing across his features at the same time. His elbow was right next to her ribs, no doubt the culprit that woke her and then she noticed how tightly she had his leg trapped between hers.

"Why-why did you elbow me?" The words came out slurred and slightly breathy but she wasn't used to seeing him like this. "I was sleeping."

"I didn't mean to. Sorry."

"S'okay." Later she wouldn't even remember if the words that came out of her mouth were even truly coherent. He gently grasped her hands in his own and pinned them next to her head with their fingers entwined. Her body was already humming from the intense dream she'd been having, this did nothing to cool her off. It only served to fuel the flame burning low in her belly.

"Good dream?" Heat flooded her face at the innuendo in his tone. He knew, he somehow knew exactly what she'd been dreaming about. How did he know? "To answer your question, you were uh, making it rather obvious."

She hated it when he did that - answered things she never asked just because he knew that's what she was thinking. It usually made her want to beat him over the head with something but that wasn't what she wanted to do at the moment.

"Who were you dreaming about?"

"You." There was no point in lying, he'd know. After the few days they'd had, she figured it didn't matter if she was blatantly honest even if it did embarrass her that she'd been caught. It was nerve wracking to be so close to him and not know if it was okay to move; to breathe. This was very much his game, the ball was in his court. It was all his choice because she was too afraid to do anything wrong. They continued to lie there with their faces inches apart, chests pressed firmly together. There was no space between them but neither of them minded. There were no sounds or words, just gazes. Only looks conveyed what they were feeling. Lisbon was embarrassed but too distracted by the hand that had started at her knee and was slowly making it's way up her thigh. Her breath hitched in her throat. This was just like her dream but so different. It was real, the fingertips wreaking havoc on her skin were really there.

"Don't say anything okay?" Normally she might have asked why but this time she only nodded and let his hand continue it's path. His head dipped towards her neck and she tilted hers to the side to give him better access. A gasp filled the air between them when his lips touched her pulse point. He didn't kiss or nip or anything. He just left them resting against the skin for a few seconds before running them up to her jaw. The same thing, no kisses, no gentle bites or soft sucking, nothing. Just the feel of them barely touching her. This continued up to her cheek, before he finally pressed his forehead to hers and met her heavy lidded eyes.

"Patrick..." His name came out as a whispered plea riding on a soft sigh at the fingers tracing the hem of her top. He didn't seem too put off by the fact that she'd been having a rather steamy dream with him as the star.

"Shh, s'okay." The look in his eyes told her exactlly what he had planned but she couldn't bring herself to stop him. She wasn't strong enough and when he ghosted his lips across hers, she knew she was a goner. She wondered if he was thinking of her or his wife. She wondered if this would be anything more then a few night in a hotel or if she was strictly entertainment for the road. A sad sigh and he was shifting closer, pressing his lips to hers with more force behind them. The hand that'd been toying with the hem of her shirt was no longer satisfied. His palm rested against her stomach, and just when she felt him stroke over her belly button something interrupted them.

The sound of Lisbon's phone rang out, breaking them apart despite their reluctance to do so. It always had to be the phone, Jane really hated her phone sometimes. Most of the time unless it was calling him or he was calling her. For a few long seconds she continued to just lie there slightly out of breath and dazed but then her brain caught up. The fog cleared and she realized why he had stopped. Scrambling out from under him she reached for the phone on the nightstand and answered it with a gruff frustrated 'Lisbon'.

Jane was sitting with his back against the bed, the blanket pooling around his waist and trying hard to hide the toll she'd taken on him. His mind was racing with all the 'what ifs' on the situation. There were too many to count but his favorite had to be: what if the phone hadn't interrupted? He wouldn't have stopped himself, he wouldn't have had the strength but to be honest he just wouldn't have wanted to. She'd looked irresistable, which gave him a hard enough time and then she'd moved against him. So sexual and electrifying. Probably more than embarrassing on her part but he wasn't going to tell her that's how he knew. He'd let her mind come up with the usual. She probably thought she'd just moaned or said something in her sleep. He didn't want to humiliate her by mentioning the real reason he knew.

Smiling into the dark, he watched her face for hints of what was being said. She avoided his gaze and settled her attention on the clock but that didn't stop him. There wasn't anything that would've stopped him after they'd been about to take a huge leap into the ocean of emotions that raged between them. Her shoulders tensed, there was a slight tremble of her hand and then her eyes snapped towards his. One look and he knew something was wrong. The way she almost dropped the phone was another give away that everything wasn't as it should be.

"What is it?"

"We'll be right there." Hanging up the call, Lisbon dreaded what she was about to do. There was no way this was going to be easy, sometimes she really wished those easy buttons were real. Two minutes ago they were about to have sex on the hotel room floor and now this. A lot could happen in only two minutes. "Patrick, that was the unit guarding the ranch where Victoria was staying. Jane I hate to have to say this but she's..."

"No, no, she's fine. Tell me she's fine." The look in his eyes was wild and panicked when only moments ago he'd it'd been lust she'd seen staring back at her. Only moments. Lisbon had been measuring her entire life by moments and how easily everything could change in a split second. The blink of an eye and your world could be ruined.

"I really wish I could." They each had tears that were threatening to fall. Jane's being out of guilt and heart wrenching pain and Lisbon's from knowing how badly it hurt the man she cared about.

"We were supposed to be protecting her!" Lisbon felt a familiar churn in her stomach at seeing the man in front of her run his hands through his hair and fight to wrangle in his emotions. "She's dead isn't she? Red John wouldn't leave her alive. I knew this would happen."

Reaching for his shoulders, Lisbon let herself lean towards him. She knew they didn't have much time but her arms slipped around him easily as she rested her cheek against his. She really wanted Red John to rot for everything he put Jane through. The poor man couldn't take much more and yet that's all he seemed to get. More heartache, more deaths, more guilt. When she felt him hugging her back - clutching tightly to her - she whispered words into his ear. The case had already taken it's horrible toll on all of them and now a child was involved too. A poor innocent little girl who didn't know any better. One who had thought the man was her friend that liked to play hop-scotch. Just someone to play with and now she was dead.

"We, uh we have to go, Jane. I'm sorry." Without saying another word he pulled away. His shoulders turned rigid and his eyes cold as soon as her hands had fallen from around him. It scared her, she knew how reckless he could get and something told her that this case was about to be ten times worse. She needed to keep a very close eye on him.

**a/n: I'm getting tired or the chapter would include the more intense emotions that lead to some sticky situations. Next one will include mainly all of Jane's thoughts about the newest victim. I don't know when it'll be up. **


	11. The Fence

**Disclaimer: I'll never own it. Blah blah.**

**A/N: I'm very pleased with myself for getting this chapter up today. I really should update Minisodes....I haven't done that in over a month. I'll try to get to that one soon(ish). I just want to thank everyone who reads this. It's my most read/reviewed Mentalist story...ever. So thank you! :)**

**Special thanks to kathiann for reading and reviewing every single chapter in a day. Thank you! :)**

Worry didn't even begin to cover the emotion Lisbon felt for the man sitting in the passenger seat. He hadn't said one word since they'd left the hotel making the air thick with a heavy tension. She had no idea what to say to him which made her feel out of place and awkward in her own vehicle. She was afraid he'd close himself off and he had just started to open up. She didn't want to lose him for good, that's what always terrified her on Red John cases. She was so scared he'd withdraw and never make his way back. The entire drive, she'd been trying to keep her heart at a steady beat but it hadn't worked. The closer they got to the ranch the faster her heart would race. By the time they pulled into the drive she was sure it was going to beat itself to death. A sound caught her attention as she jerked the key from the ignition and stuffed it in her pocket; it drew her gaze towards Jane just as he reached for the handle.

"Jane, you don't _have _to come in. If you don't want to I understand." He'd never skipped out on a Red John crime scene before and she knew he wouldn't now but she wanted him to know that it was okay if he chose to. Nobody would think differently of him if he admitted that it was just too hard.

"We both know I have to do this, it's not a matter of if I want to or not."

"Patrick..." Lisbon reached out towards his arm but he opened the door before she could touch him.

"Come on, we're wasting time." Reluctantly exiting the car, she followed him to the door and wondered if what had happened between them earlier that morning was just a one time lapse in judgement. She actually wanted it to happen again, without the interruption of course but she was also afraid that if it did then he'd think of his wife, not her. She forced all thoughts like that to the back of her mind and slipped into 'agent' mode. Time to do her job.

There was only the sound of their footsteps as they entered the small room. The taunting face painted in blood being the first thing they saw. Lisbon watched the man next to her carefully, taking in the way he clenched his jaw. Her heart constricted painfully in her chest for him, for Victoria, it always did on these cases but now it was worse. She hated that a little girl was dead, that anybody was dead and she always felt for the families but Red John cases were the worst. He used the people he killed as a way to torment Jane and it worked every time. Every single time Jane felt like it was somehow his fault they were dead, another death on his shoulders. She wished she could make it better for him, wished there was such thing as a time machine. She'd give him his family back if she could, even if it meant breaking her own heart to do it.

The tiny body was the only thing that caught Jane's full attention, the smiley wasn't anything new but that little body, it was the tipping point. He felt something inside of him snap but he tried to keep anyone from noticing. He should have been the one watching the house, he should have stayed in the house. He should have been waiting for Red John instead of playing a stupid card game with Lisbon. This was all his fault. The last time he'd seen the girl she was alive and even though she'd been mourning the death of her aunt, Jane had still been able to tell that she was one of those full of life little kids. The ones that kept you on your toes and now her life was gone. The light he'd seen in her eyes had burnt out and all at the hands of a man they couldn't catch. The anger rising in his chest made itself known by disrupting his breathing pattern, turning it ragged and heavy.

His eyes traced over the long brown curls, the round cheeks and the little ears. He wasn't even sure what he was looking for, he didn't know but he couldn't stop staring. She was just too small, just like his daughter. Different but the same and she didn't deserve this, nobody did. His mind kept flashing back to seeing his own precious little girl in the same position. The cuts marring Victoria's skin sending him into the past and making him ball his fists to keep his cool. He ignored everyone else in the room, only focusing on another little one he couldn't protect. He couldn't keep anyone safe. He'd failed his family and now this little girl. Enough was enough, he couldn't take it. Other Red John cases were difficult to the point of driving him crazy but this was ten times more intense. He pretended he didn't hear Lisbon calling after him when he fled from the room, walking swiftly down the hallway and heading straight for the front door. He needed air, he felt like he was suffocating in that room.

"We're done here. Rigsby, Cho, I need you two talking to the officers who were on guard last night. After you're done go down the road to the neighbors and see if maybe they saw a vehicle or a person that didn't belong. This is a private road somebody had to notice something." Lisbon was already half way out of the room by the time she finished her orders, everybody knew where she was going and everybody knew not to say anything. At this point she wouldn't have cared if they did. Ignoring the saddened curious look Van Pelt shot her direction as she passed the living room, Lisbon threw the front door open with a little more force than she'd intended. It was still dark out, the sky just starting to lighten and after a few seconds of glancing every which way in search of Jane, she found him. He was perched up on the wooden fence towards the East side of the house, staring out over the pasture where a few horses were grazing.

The worry eating away at her didn't lessen one bit at seeing him there, and she wasn't sure it was a good idea to join him but she couldn't leave him like that. It was cold out and yet he didn't seem to care. Swallowing back the lump in her throat she walked across the grassy lawn, staring at her feet the entire time until she was next to the fence. She took the time to admire the handiwork as she wrapped her hands around the top board and hoisted herself up next to him. One foot at a time she stepped up on the second hunk of wood and then swung her leg over, doing the same with the other before settling in next to Jane.

Lisbon shifted closer to him, letting some of her weight press against him in hopes that he might acknowledge her presence but he didn't. He just kept staring straight ahead, unblinking with tears gathering in his eyes. A pang in her chest wouldn't let her forget why they were out here. The scenery in front of them was deceivingly beautiful when something so tragic had just taken place. She stopped watching him when the first tear slipped out and opted to watch the horses instead. She didn't know how to comfort him and he hadn't spoken so she let him be, thinking it was probably best. If he needed her then she was right there beside him.

"I'm here Patrick, don't shut me out." Her voice sounded a little more pleading than she would have liked but after the last few days, she didn't want things to change for the worse between them.

The sun was peeking over the horizon, painting the sky an array of orange and still Jane hadn't spoke. She was starting to worry that he had locked himself away, frozen again just as soon as he'd begun to melt but finally Jane's voice penetrated the cold air.

"I should have been there to protect her."

"We had six men on this place Jane. Four covering the perimeters and two on the inside. You being here wouldn't have changed anything." Finally, after what seemed like hours Jane turned to face her and before she could even think it through, she let one hand caress away the tears staining his cheeks. Jane reached up and grabbed hold of her fingers, lacing them with his and pressing a kiss to the back of her hand.

"I should have protected her. I should have Lisbon. I couldn't keep my family safe, I should have protected them and I didn't. I can't protect anyone, he can get to them." His eyes weren't sad like she'd assumed they would be. They were angry, but she knew it wasn't directed at her. He was mad at himself when he really shouldn't be. She didn't know how to help him, she didn't even know how to help herself.

She felt guilty for Victoria's death, for different reasons, but yet somewhat the same. She felt as though maybe she should have taken the initiative to have more people watching the grounds including herself or maybe she should have insisted that the young girl come in that day instead of waiting. Maybe she should have had her moved to a safe house. The blame could easily be lain on her shoulders just as easily as he let it rest on his own. A tear cascaded down her cheek before she could even notice it but she didn't wipe it away or try to hide it. If Jane could let down his defenses and try to share things then she could too, for his sake.

"Teresa, I wouldn't have stopped." Lisbon knew by the hint of lust that appeared in his eyes, that he was talking about what they'd almost done when the phone had interrupted.

"I wouldn't have wanted you to." She didn't mention how odd she thought it was that he chose a moment like this to bring up something like that, but she figured it was just his way of trying to control his emotions on the other topic so she let it slide. His thumb caressed the back of her hand as he gave it a gentle squeeze and turned back to face the sunrise. She followed his example and didn't say anything when he let go of her hand to wrap his arm around her waist and pull her impossibly closer. She felt him press his cheek to the side of her head and turned into him for warmth. Instead of ruining the moment she let him seek whatever comfort he needed and just kept her mouth shut. They stayed like that, sitting on the fence ignoring the cold and the chill of the wind on their damp faces as they watched the sun set the sky on fire.

"This would be beautiful under different circumstances." The words were nothing more than a saddened whisper against her hair but she found herself closing her eyes and suppressing a shiver at the invading chill of the wind.

"Yeah, it would be." Extracting herself from his hold, Lisbon turned around and prepared to slide off the uncomfortable wooden board. "We need to get going, Jane."

"Wait..." His warm palm pressed to her lower stomach, keeping her on the fence for just a little longer. "I'm trying, you know I am but if I start to shut you out, don't let me."

"I won't."

* * *

Hate was never a word that Van Pelt would have used to describe her feelings for a person but it was easy for her to say that she hated Red John with every fiber of her being. People like that shouldn't exist. As horrible and cruel as that sounded it was true. Evil like that shouldn't plague the world but she couldn't do anything to stop it. Even after they caught Red John there would just be another one like him. It was a never ending cycle. Her heart ached for the man she'd been sitting with, Mike Gregson. In just a few days time he'd lost two people he loved and now he was broken, shattered into pieces that would never be put back into the exact place they belonged. Her heart ached for Jane, he'd lost the two people he loved in one night but she knew that Lisbon was helping him, whether he wanted to admit it or not, Lisbon was his rock.

"Mr. Gregson, if you'll come with us we'll make sure you have somewhere to stay." Her only answer was a nod but it was all she needed. Pushing herself up off the pale green furniture she led him outside. The coroner had left with the body a few minutes before and she knew that the case wouldn't get anywhere if they just sat around.

"Agent Lisbon and Mr. Jane...why are they so involved in this? All of you seem to be." Despite the watery tone of his voice, the dark haired man stood tall and pointed to a couple of figures perched up on the fence.

"It's our job sir."

"This Red John, he left a picture with Victoria of Mr. Jane's family. When I first met Agent Lisbon I figured she was his family until I noticed the lack of a matching gold band." Grace kept her gaze fixed on her boss and Jane as he wrapped his arm around her waist and tugged her closer. She felt like she was invading a private moment between them but she couldn't tear her eyes away until she saw Jane rest his head against Lisbon's and then she knew she couldn't watch anymore. It wasn't right. "The maniac who killed my Jess and Vic, killed his family too didn't he?"

"Yes." Grace knew she shouldn't have told, it wasn't her secret to pass around but the word left her lips before she could even think about it. She couldn't help it, this man reminded her so much of Jane. The look in his eye, that need for revenge, he had it and she really hoped he let it go.

**a/n: That's all for this chap guys. So sorry that it took me a long time but I'm back now...I'm pretty sure. Yeah, I should be. Just in time to finish up a few stories and start some new ones...which should all happen by New Years(ish)**


	12. The Drink

**Disclaimer: Well even though I'm getting a new chapter up, I still own nothing.**

**A/N: Good news I suppose, I'm working on a few ideas for new stories. I'm hoping to post a chapter of Minisodes tonight and this story is almost over! Well, not technically great news but all things must end. It's got another 4 chaps or so. Maybe more. This chapter was way more Jane angst than I intended and pretty much ran away with me. It was supposed to be a more team centered chapter. The ending wasn't supposed to happen at all. Blame Jane and Lisbon, they totally seized my creativity, held it hostage and made me retype this one about 4 times. Extra long chapter here. Not much dialogue though.**

The more hours that passed the further Jane slipped into himself and even though Lisbon had promised not to let him, he was slowly shutting her out. It wasn't intentional and she couldn't figure out how to stop him. She'd tried talking to him but that only ended with him walking away and her getting absolutely nowhere. It made it worse that they couldn't find anything more on the case. There was no evidence suggesting anyone went in or out of the house and with every minute that went by they knew chances of finding something were slim. Lisbon could feel a pulsing ache in her head from the lack of sleep and the cocktail of emotions coursing through her veins. She had to be there for Jane but she wasn't sure how to be there for someone who all of a sudden acted like they didn't want her around anymore. What had changed since their moment at the ranch? She couldn't figure it out. He'd went from begging her not to let him push her away to yelling at her for sticking her nose in his business. She was so confused, she was so sick of his hot and cold attitude. She thought they were passed that.

Their moment at the ranch was still fresh in her mind despite the fact that it had happened almost sixteen hours ago. He'd been different then, more open and she'd felt as though their friendship had strengthened ten fold but now she wasn't sure. Hell, she didn't even know if they were even considered just friends anymore. She wasn't sure about anything at this point. Why did everything have to get so complicated on _this _case? Of all cases why this one, why Red John? She was still a bit apprehensive about all of it, maybe the only reason anything had happened between them at all was because of the case. Then only more questions popped up and she didn't have the answers. She was so tired of the back and forth they'd been engaging in. She would be there for him no matter what but she just wanted to know what the hell was happening. She just wanted out of this town, out of sleeping in a hotel and back to being in her own bed.

Her head felt heavy, too heavy to hold up and yet she knew she had to. She had to watch out for Jane and make sure that nothing happened to him. It wasn't a hard job necessarily, considering they were at their makeshift headquarters but he'd excused himself to the restroom over half an hour ago and hadn't been seen or heard from since. She was starting to worry and even though she hated to, she moved from her chair. Ignoring the pain in her head for the moment and headed towards the men's restroom. It didn't bother her a bit to just poke her head through the door and call out his name. Maybe it should have but it didn't.

"Jane?" She expected to see him, or at least hear an answer but there was nothing. Empty bathroom, no Jane and she felt her heart plummet. "Dammit!"

She should have realized when his mood changed from wanting her help to wanting to be alone that something like this was bound to happen. Digging her phone out of her pocket she pressed those all too familiar buttons and lifted the device to her ear. Even if he wanted to be left alone, he could at least answer his phone to let her know that he was okay. A few rings and then nothing but the voice mail. This wasn't what she'd been hoping for. Hanging up the call without leaving a message, she let her feet carry her swiftly back to her team. Any faster and she would have been running but this was urgent. She needed to find him.

"Jane's gone, I think I know where he went so I'm going to find him. I'll be back shortly, I know it's getting late and if..."

"We're staying boss." The words were a chorus of three voices and she couldn't help but smile at them. They were her team, good people. They were driven and had the biggest hearts when it came to another member of their team being sent through an emotional whirlwind.

"Okay then. I want you guys to talk to the officers again. Run complete background checks on each one of them. Red John had to get into that house somehow and it wasn't by forced entry. One of them has to be lying. Keep an eye on them, try and find something that could tell us of any possible connection to Red John. I'll be back soon."

With those final orders, the boss was gone and they all knew she wouldn't be coming back. It wasn't that she wouldn't want to, but Cho had a feeling that Jane would need her more than they did and Rigsby and Van Pelt had agreed with him. Maybe it wasn't right for them to basically gossip about their boss's relationship with their consultant but Cho thought it just proved how much they cared for the two. He was positive that Lisbon and Jane probably wouldn't see it that way, which is why it was said without their knowledge. Neither of them knew that they'd been conversing over the change in their relationship for months now or that they knew all about the sleeping arrangements the last few nights. They didn't need to know, especially at time like this. Some things were best kept secret and he'd rather not deal with Lisbon's wrath just yet. He knew that Rigsby and Van Pelt felt the same way. They'd talked about that too. For now they'd play dumb and pretend to mind their own business. Pretend was the key word. Cho knew they couldn't _not _talk amongst themselves about the tragically broken pair when they were so worried about them.

"Do you think Jane's okay?" He answered Van Pelt's question without giving Rigsby any time to even try.

"I don't know, but Lisbon will take care of him."

"I think she's just as upset as he is. She feels like this little girl's death is her fault too." As the words left the red head's mouth they all ducked their heads. The feeling of guilt had settled in the pit of everyones stomach. They all felt at fault for this one. They'd been sleeping the night away while Red John murdered an innocent little girl. They could have been there, doing something. They would've been tired, cranky and pretty much useless the next day but maybe Victoria would have still been alive.

"They'll take care of each other, and when they get back we'll have something we can go on to catch this bastard." Cho knew the statement wouldn't really make any of them feel better - he didn't feel any better - but it could give them the push they needed to do this and to do it right. For Jane, for Lisbon, for the victims, the poor little girl and even for themselves.

* * *

Jane shut her out for a reason, he made her think he'd done it unintentionally but he did it for a reason. He just couldn't remember what it was. Something about protecting her, maybe that was part of the reason he was currently trying to drink himself into oblivion. Part of why he would no longer share her room. He had to stop now or she'd get hurt too. It'd been so easy to crawl into bed with her, to keep coming back each night. He knew it was him who pushed for them to keep sharing a bed but now he had to end it. He'd never been a drinking man but his nerves were wearing thin and he wanted to numb his mind enough to just forget. He was just so confused.

There was no telling what drew him to this place. It was like a moth to a flame. There was a pull Jane felt that made him walk inside, made him sit and made him stay. The smell of cigarettes and booze filled the air. Smoke making the room hazy and yet he found it comforting. It burned his eyes, and made him desperately want some fresh air but he felt it was a good punishment. That's what all this was really about, punishment. He'd been wandering the streets for over an hour before he found this place. His visit to Mike Gregson hadn't led him anywhere and for once, he felt horrible for pushing someone too far. The man had just lost his love, two of them. Same as he had, he should've been comforting the man instead of prodding into his life history like it was all his business. Lisbon would be ashamed if she knew. He was ashamed, he really truly felt bad for the man who was now just like him. Cold and vacant on the inside.

The bitter taste of alcohol lingered on his tongue as he ordered another and ignored the look the bartender gave him. So what if he'd had a few or more. This was his pity party and it was private. It'd been awhile since he looked at the clock but he knew he'd been sitting in the same spot for a few hours now. He knew that Lisbon had tried calling him five times...or was it ten? He lost count over an hour ago. Even though he figured she'd be worried, he didn't want her around. Maybe that was mean of him but he was so tired of fighting the emotions he was feeling and he didn't want her to have to drown with him. He'd told her not to let him shut her out and then he'd single handily made sure she did. He'd done it on purpose, two days ago he'd been all about opening up to her about his family, about everything and now a little girl was dead. His fault and it made him see that anything and everything he touched or got close to would be ripped away. Red John would make sure he was never happy. He didn't want to lose her too. She deserved better than him, she deserved someone who could love her and he didn't know if he was ready for something like that.

When he asked for yet another drink he received a pitiful look but nothing was said as the man behind the bar complied with his request. Lisbon would be ashamed. Even drunk he couldn't get her out of his head. Everything stayed, making him keep asking for more. The case, that poor child another death on his shoulders, Lisbon, their friendship, none of it went away. He wanted it to, but it didn't. If anything he grew more aware of the way his heart was aching with every beat. His phone rang again, vibrating it's way across the bar as Lisbon's name was once again lighting up the display. He waited for the noise to stop, ignoring the looks of annoyance from the other patrons and then picked it up. Seven new messages, at least he was pretty sure that's what it said. He fumbled with the device, pushing all the wrong buttons before finally managing to get it to voice mail. He vaguely listened to each one, in order from beginning to end; hearing Lisbon grow more panicked every time.

Lisbon would be ashamed. She wouldn't understand why he was here instead of letting her be his comfort. She wouldn't and he wasn't sure he even understood. In fact he was now thinking that maybe he should have just talked it out with her. The sixth message, he only knew it was the sixth because it was right before the last one, caught his attention. She sounded so worried and now he had another reason to finish off his latest glass.

_"Jane, please, just please answer. I can't find you, I've looked everywhere I could think of. Please Jane. I'm having Van Pelt track your number - I didn't want to do that, she's supposed to call me back so I have to go."_

He only heard the part about tracking and the desperation in her voice. He didn't analyze it, his brain was too foggy to even try but the last message was another one that caught him slightly off guard.

_"I know where you are, I'm coming to get you. I'll be there in just a few minutes."_

Jane didn't know if the alcohol had rendered him incapable of determining her mood or if she really felt as blank as she'd sounded. The desperation wasn't there anymore, it was replaced by nothing. He set the phone back on the bar, thought better of it and fumbled to get it in his pocket just as a hand landed on his shoulder. Sluggishly letting his head turn to the side, he met a pair of concerned green eyes. He knew it, Lisbon was ashamed.

"Oh Jane. What'd you do to yourself?"

"I wanted it to be quiet...shhh." Just by the tear that slipped out and the way he pathetically tried to get his finger up to his lips, Lisbon knew exactly what he was talking about. He'd wanted his mind to stop racing but that was no excuse for him to turn to this place instead of just talking to her. When did they take a step backwards and why hadn't she been informed? She was aware that he'd been trying to shut her out, but she never expected to find him in a musty bar - not after how close they'd been over the last few months, especially the last few days. Maybe she should have, maybe she should have realized that he would probably never fully be open with her but when they'd been sitting on that fence earlier that morning, she'd felt as though maybe they'd have a chance. Now she wasn't so sure. She didn't even know what he wanted, she didn't know if they were friends or something else and she didn't really want to find out anymore. She was afraid of his answer and she didn't anymore stress at the moment. She had enough on her mind, the case, Jane, her agents and even herself.

"Come on, let's go." Helping him stand steady, she passed the bartender her credit card and waited. Any other time and she would've muttered a sarcastic 'you owe me' but she didn't feel like it. She just wanted to get him back to her room where he could sleep it off and hate himself in the morning for the pounding in his head. She didn't ask how much he'd had, she didn't want to know. As soon as her card was back in her pocket she led him from the hazy hole-in-the-wall place and helped him into the passenger seat. Part of her was angry with him for this.

It all reminded her of an old routine she'd tried so hard to forget but she knew he hadn't done that intentionally. He had just wanted his brain to rest and give him a break. There were times she wanted the same, in fact there were times she done just as he had, but never in public and never while working a case. Once in the driver's seat she handed him a cup of black coffee without a word. She'd been prepared just in case but was still surprised that he had let himself do such a thing while working on a Red John case but she assumed the poor man staring blankly out the window, just had too much. Everybody had a limit, even Patrick Jane. As much as it angered her, it saddened her all the same. She wanted to take his pain away, always the fixer but she knew she would never be able to fix him. He was too broken and yet she still wanted to try. She knew it was because of the feelings she'd been harbouring but now they were refusing to be pushed down and it was all because of the way they'd been sleeping each night. The way he had opened up about certain things.

It struck her now, how ironic it'd been that they'd sat together on a fence. That's how she felt around him now, as if she were poised on a fence, trying to decide which side she wanted to be on. This escapade of his proved he was going through the same thing. She had no doubt in her mind that he wouldn't have been in this state if the only thing going through his mind was the case. He was having a hard time dealing with everything and she knew the feeling but it would always be worse for him. She figured a part of him felt as though he was betraying the memory of his family or something like that.

Forcing herself to keep her eyes on the road and off of her passenger, she finally made it to the motel. She felt as though she needed a drink herself, but she'd deal with that at another time. For now she had to walk Jane to her room and get some food in his system. She let him lean on her and ignored the look the snooty woman behind the front desk gave them as they walked by. It wasn't any of the woman's business and she didn't need to look so disgusted by seeing such a broken pair of people. Lisbon didn't like her anyway, she was the one that she'd had to argue about the heater with.

"Teresa," She noted that his voice wasn't as slurred as it had been back at the bar and knew the coffee had at least helped a little. "I'm sorry. M'so sorry."

"It's okay. Let's just get you inside." The keycard in her pocket made it into her hand and then into the door. She'd find his later, for now he was going in her room. As soon as she'd pushed open the door and let Jane drop to the bed, she was certain there would be no going back to work tonight. The team was doing a good job of keeping her updated so it wasn't a priority but she felt that with a Red John case, all hands should be present. Jane usually felt that way too. Something had changed his mind and seeing him face down in the bed had her wondering if this was strictly just about the case and her or if he'd done something to make him feel the need to forget. She'd ask in the morning. For now she had bigger fish to fry.

She gently pushed against him until he rolled. Her intention had been to search for his room card but he grabbed her hands before she could try and tugged until she fell against him.

"Mm sorry."

"It's okay, it's okay. You have to let go so I can get you some clean clothes." She shivered when his face nuzzled her neck but immediately stiffened when she felt the tears.

"I can't. Don't leave." The words were whispered against her skin, and she ignored the smell of alcohol that lingered on him as she crawled out of his tight hold.

"I'm not leaving you Patrick. I'm just going to your room to get your stuff. I promise I'll be right back." He let her go with reluctance as she pressed a kiss to his forehead and fished the little piece of plastic out of his jacket pocket. He kept mumbling something about how she'd be ashamed of him when she found out and how he didn't mean to. It worried her and in those few short seconds, she made a decision. There was one thing she could do to make sure he couldn't completely shut her out.

With one last weary look at the man on the bed, she left her room and headed for his. She was doing this for him, and partly for herself. She was a little selfish in her decision but mostly it was for him. To make sure he was okay and to be there for him when he woke with one giant hangover. She wished he would've just talked to her about it instead of trying to drink it away. Her father had tried that, it never worked and yet he always tried again. She knew Jane wouldn't do that but seeing him like this still worried her so she hurried, gathering his things in a rush. Every last one of them, made it into his bag. She double checked the room before she was satisfied that she hadn't missed any of it and then headed out towards the front desk.

Whether he would approve or not, Lisbon was getting rid of his room. She was making sure he'd have to spend time near her. It was the only way to keep an eye on him and keep him from shutting down completely. Otherwise, she knew there'd be more nights like this one. Not so much alcohol induced, just overwhelmed by emotions. She needed him to see that it wasn't just him that was fighting and this would be the only way to accomplish that as well.

Turning in the keycard, she gave a polite smile to the snooty woman and resisted the urge to take out her gun when she just rolled her eyes. She wasn't just snooty, she was rude as hell too. At least Lisbon was trying to be civil, it didn't matter though. She was in a hurry to get back to Jane so she didn't let it get to her, she was just happy that she was done with it and back in front of her door within minutes. She hoped he hadn't decided she'd forgot about him.

Lisbon set Jane's stuff just inside the door and found him sound asleep in the bed when she looked up. Sleep sounded like a good idea, she gave him that. He'd moved from his earlier position of being sprawled out in the very center to only taking up one side and he'd shed his clothes. Lisbon had to force herself to remember the situation when she realized he wasn't wearing anything but his underwear and that she'd never seen him in such a state of undress. Obviously a drunk Jane didn't fully comprehend the fact that he wouldn't be sleeping alone.

After changing, setting a glass of water and a bottle of Advil next to the bed, she crawled in next to him and cuddled into his side. He didn't smell of cigarette smoke now that the clothes were gone. He smelled of Jane, the alcohol lingered but not enough to be repulsive. All she could see and feel was him and it led her thoughts back to being woken by an elbow to the ribs. They'd been so close to giving in to the tension between them. She couldn't help but wonder where they stood now. With everything that had happened, all the emotions raw and whirling in the air, she wondered what the morning would bring. Settling into him, she watched his face and stroked his unruly curls. The shadows on his face seemed darker than usual and she could see where the tears had trailed down his cheeks. She knew he'd eventually break but she wasn't sure if this had been that point or if this was just something leading up to it. He looked so peaceful in slumber, but she knew better.

"Why didn't you just come to me?" Her whispered words fell on deaf ears but she'd just needed to say them. "I'm always here for you. I told you that Patrick. I wouldn't be ashamed."

Not one muscle in his body moved, she hadn't expected any reaction but it felt good to get it off her chest and she'd say it all again in the morning. She'd get a reaction then but for now she settled for kissing his cheek and curling into him. Her fingers continued toying with his locks, her thumb easing away the crease in his brow that formed suddenly, never pausing until she slipped into a light state of sleep. The morning would bring a lot all at once and Lisbon would have to confront Jane about everything whether she wanted to or not.

**a/n: Next chapter we get the confrontation. I'm working on updating all of my stories, so far I've managed Temptation and now this one. It's a slow process for me. Keep an eye out for two new stories that I should be starting shortly between now and New Years. Sitting here in my Mickey Mouse shirt and Grinch pajama pants, I realized....I love when my sister buys me clothes. She recently mentioned getting me a Ninja Turtle jacket, I'm excited!**


	13. The Blaze

**Disclaimer: Well I had it on my Christmas list but I marked it out and asked for a new pair of converses instead. Oops.**

**A/N: I know, two chapters in two days plus a new story, I'm excited too. :D Enjoy the confrontation. It took me a little while to decide which way I wanted it to go. I'll warn you now that Jane is a complete and utter horrible person towards the man who lost the two people he loved...Mike Gregson.**

A groan filled the room as Jane rolled onto his side, the pounding in his head only worsening with each second he fought to wake up. His body just wanted to lie there, unmoving and slip back into the blissful state he'd been in but he wouldn't let himself. This was the punishment he deserved. When he tried to roll back the opposite direction he was met with a very warm, very female form. Lisbon. He'd forgotten. He'd forgotten a lot. He remembered walking into the bar, his eyes blinked rapidly at the thought. He remembered ordering something strong, a soft groan of pain at that memory as his head reminded him that he'd had way more than he'd needed. Everything after that was a little fuzzy, only bits and pieces remained but what he remembered the most was the look in her eyes when she'd found him. She had looked so sad for him and ashamed. He knew she'd be ashamed. He knew if she ever found out what led him to that bar, she'd probably never look at him the same way ever again and he knew he had to tell her.

His mouth was dry, horribly so. It felt like he'd been sucking on cotton all night and one look at the nightstand had him grimacing but trying to smile. At least she'd left him some water and pain relief. When he reached over to grab the glass, and slowly pushed himself into a sitting position, he realized something. He was a jackass. Getting wasted had been a selfish act and he never once thought of how she'd feel when she was the one who would have to deal with him. He hadn't considered her demons when he'd been trying to drown his own. He hadn't considered the fact that by drowning his he was making hers rise to the surface. He was definitely a jackass. So much for his plan to protect her, he couldn't even keep her safe from her memories.

Gulping down two of the pills and half the glass of water, he let himself drop back onto the mattress. His whole body felt too heavy to move but he needed a shower and then he knew that they needed to talk. Lisbon would have questions and he would have to provide answers. It wasn't because of his disappearing act, they'd needed to talk for days and simply kept putting it off for a more convenient time. No time like the present. To tell the truth, he didn't want to talk; not about their sleeping arrangements or the kisses and if he could he would avoid the topic. He didn't want her to know that he really did need her, that he enjoyed her company more than he should. He wasn't using her, not really. He would have already had sex with her the first night they'd shared a bed if that had been the case but he hadn't. He didn't want to give her false hope when he had no idea if he'd ever be able to give her what she deserved.

His eyes searched the partially illuminated room, the clock is where they landed and yet another groan escaped. It was early, even drunk he couldn't get enough sleep and judging by his wardrobe he hadn't realized he wasn't sleeping alone. Ironic, he thought. Carefully, slowly, extracting himself from the bed and the hold of Lisbon, he found his bag by the door and headed for the shower. His movements were forced and slow but it had to be done. This too was part of the punishment and he deserved every bit of it. The part of the night that he wanted to forget was still imprinted into his mind. Flashing images and harsh words rising to the forefront. He never should have went to see Mike Gregson alone. He shouldn't have went at all.

_---  
Watery eyes, that's what Jane was met with when he'd started talking to Mike Gregson. The tall dark haired man seemed broken and tiny but that hadn't stopped Jane from his tactics. He knew he should've asked Lisbon to join him, she would've kept him from saying some of the things he knew was going to say. He couldn't stop himself._

_"Your family was killed by Red John too. Right Mr. Jane?"_

_"Yes, but I wasn't at home when it happened. You were there." His words came out laced with a subtle hint of venom but he didn't know why._

_"Excuse me?"_

_"You heard me, when Victoria was killed you were three doors down sleeping the night away. Why didn't you stop him?" His chest felt like it was on fire and it only worsened when the man in front of him broke. Tears rolled down his cheeks but Jane didn't give the poor guy any comfort. _

_"I-I didn't know anything was happening, I didn't hear anything. I thought she was safe."_

_"But she wasn't, you were in the same house. He could have easily killed you too you know." He should have but he didn't. Two men who'd lost their families and Jane couldn't even say anyting remotely nice. This was him laying the blame on someone else who didn't deserve it. So why didn't he stop himself? _

_"I want you to leave."_

_"Three doors away." Jane didn't know why he was doing this, it wasn't making him feel any better and he was hurting the man in front of him. _

_"Shut up!"_

_"The same house. You could've stopped it."_

_"Get out! Get out!" He'd left, seemingly unfazed on the outside but absolutely hating himself on the inside. What had he just done? What kind of monster had Red John turned him into? Lisbon would be so ashamed of him.  
---_

The tears fell quickly whilst he was in the shower, mixing with the water and escaping down the drain. He sobbed silently in hopes that Lisbon wouldn't wake to hear him. The ache in his head worsened with every breath he took and the worst part was that he knew he'd gone too far, he'd known it while he was there and yet he'd done nothing to back down. All these years everbody was right, he was a cold bastard. He didn't deserve the people he worked with, the woman on the other side of the door. He didn't deserve her as a friend and he definitely didn't deserve her as anything more but he wanted to. He wanted to be different, he wanted her help but he knew he couldn't ask for it. He wouldn't do that to her, this was the one thing he wouldn't be selfish about.

He saw what happened when he didn't have it and he never wanted to go through that again. He didn't want to be a monster that Red John had created. He had to talk to her, and it couldn't be put off any longer than it already had. He was shivering slightly when he climbed out, the water had grown cold. Once dry and partially dressed, he let himself wander back into the room. His gaze landed on Lisbon, she was in the same position he'd left her in. He watched her for a few seconds, ignoring the bass drum in his head while sliding each arm into his shirt. The buttons stayed undone as he gently sat on the edge of the mattress and brushed her bangs back off of her forehead. So beautiful, so sweet and caring. He couldn't resist the urge to touch her, his thumb ghosted over her cheek as he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. He was a selfish man, but after the third brush of his mouth against hers, she started to reciprocate the action. It was just one last taste. Her small hands buried themselves in his wet curls as she came alive beneath him. Her body moved like a cat, arching languidly against him as he started to pull away. They had to talk, he knew there was no way around it. The question lingering in her sleepy gaze only solidified his decision.

"Patrick..."

"I'm sorry for last night." Lisbon pushed herself into a sitting position so she could be level with him and then asked the same thing she asked when he was sleeping. This time he could hear her.

"Why didn't you come to me? What happened, I thought we were...I don't know what I thought."

"I wish I would have, but I knew you'd be so ashamed." She really hadn't expected to get anything out of him without having to pry but he looked so torn and she was certain he'd been crying. The red rimmed eyes gave it away, even with a fresh out of the shower look, the eyes still gave it away.

"Stop saying that, you kept saying that last night too. I told you I'd always be here, I'm here now and neither one of us are leaving this room until you tell me what's going on." The words were louder than she'd intended them to be, a little harsh and clipped too but she was tired and confused. She was so sick of being confused.

"Teresa, I-I said things I can't take back. Horrible things and he didn't deserve them."

"Who didn't?" One look told her exactly who he'd meant. One tear filled gaze that shifted to the floor and she knew what he'd done. She didn't know the details and she didn't want to. "Our talk at the ranch, I said I wouldn't let you shut me out. I'm not letting you and I'm not ashamed. I don't agree with your behavior but I understand. You blamed Gregson?"

"It wasn't his fault. I know it wasn't. It was mine, I..."

"No, no don't do that. It's Red John's fault, nobody elses. You should have come to me." Seeing Jane upset always got to her, but seeing him last night had her completely shaken. It brought back things that were better left forgotten and gave her new memories that she didn't want. Now here they were, at a cross roads and neither knew which way they really wanted to go. She had just sugar coated how she felt. She wanted to yell at him for going to see Mike Gregson without telling her, for saying whatever he'd said that upset him so much he felt the need to drink it away but she couldn't. His mask was gone, she could see every raw emotion and the hatred in his gaze was directed inward. He was hating himself already for what he'd done and her yelling wouldn't do anything to make it better. So she kept her mouth shut, she offered him comfort instead and tried to believe herself when she said it was Red John's fault and not theirs. As much as she wanted to scream, throw something and kick him out, she didn't.

Lisbon let her shaking hands reached towards the collar of his shirt. Her fingers grasped the cloth tightly as she tugged him against her and wrapped one arm around his neck. The tears he'd been holding back fell silently, she could feel them and she didn't care. If this helped him then she welcomed it. She'd technically just lied to him a bit. She was ashamed but he didn't need to know that, she didn't know what he'd said so she couldn't decide whether the feeling was justified or not. She knew the pain lingering in his eyes, had her less ashamed than she normally would have been. It was obvious he regretted what he'd done, she'd feel more ashamed if he didn't. She didn't want to find out what had happened. Normally the agent in her would be curious but the way he clung to her in desperation made her decide she'd rather not know. His grip on her waist tightened almost painfully as he pressed a kiss to her neck and then completely let go. He pushed at her shoulders to make her do the same, she didn't know what made him pull away but she gave him the space. The only way she kept contact was by linking her hand firmly with his and refusing to relinquish the hold even when he tried to jerk away.

"I-I need to go back to my room." Now the anger was starting to bubble in her chest. This was how it had been all week. He'd let her in and then push her away. She was sick of it, no more, she'd had enough of his hot and cold attitude. It wasn't fair and it left things between them awkward and tense. She was tired of feeling so emotionally drained. Maybe he could act like nothing had happened but she couldn't. He'd said it himself; they wouldn't have stopped if it hadn't been for that call. They would have taken that step, changed everything. She wanted to believe that he'd came to her for a game of Go Fish and stolen touches because he wanted to, but she didn't know. She couldn't do this with him anymore, she couldn't handle constantly questioning their relationship and wondering if he thought of his wife with every kiss.

When he managed to extract his hand from her hold, he stood and made for the door with his bag but her words stopped him dead in his tracks. She wouldn't hide from this any longer, she wouldn't push it down and avoid it.

"I canceled your room last night." A long pause of silence was the only reaction she got from him. He didn't turn around, just dropped his stuff and stood there with his shoulders stiff. Lisbon started to think she'd made a mistake but the anger she felt rose again when he finally chose to face her. He looked confused but she knew he was just playing dumb. "I think we need to talk about...what we've been doing. I don't know what's going on."

"You canceled my room?" A slight nod of her head told him she had.

"I'm worried about you. You were wasted last night."

"I just wanted it all to go away for a few hours. That's all but I'm sorry I was selfish. I never realized what it put you through, Lisbon I'm sorry but I can't stay another night with you without...I can't hurt you and I know I already have."

"Don't worry about me. I'm a big girl." Jane's eyes locked with hers, darkening with each second but not with anger. He was battling the same feeling she was and even though she knew now that he was simply trying to protect her by leaving, she didn't care. It still made her mad. She bit back the feeling, she didn't want to get into a yelling match when there were already too many emotions wafting through the air.

"I know you're mad at me. You can yell if you like." She should have known he could see through her calm exterior, this was Jane. Even through tear stained eyes he could see through her act.

"No, and I'm not mad _at _you. This situation, I'm, I just...I don't know what we are. We have to head back to Sacremento in a couple days if we don't find something and I want to make sure we'll be okay. We've kissed and more, I don't know what that means to you. I don't know if I'm a means of comfort while we're out here or just a way to remember your wife, I'm confused and I don't like being confused. What's going on?"

"You're not either of those. You're Teresa Lisbon, feisty and smart with a heart of gold. I need to go." His tone was distant, his discomfort growing and she knew this hadn't resolved anything. He was still blaming himself for everything and still doing his best to avoid what had almost happened between them. What would have happened. He'd managed to answer without giving her a direct answer which had her climbing off the bed and following him to the door. She couldn't let this go. His hand was pulling it open when she stepped around from behind him and slammed it shut with a forceful shove. She couldn't take her frustration out on him so the poor door received the brunt of it.

Situating herself between him and the exit, she leaned back against the cool solidity of the door. She'd had enough. They couldn't go on like this or things would never change, they'd be tense around each other all the time and she didn't want that. She wanted the ease that had come so naturally during their card game. She wanted that night back.

"Stop it. Stop doing this, I'm not going to yell and scream at you because none of this is your fault. It's not. I'm trying to be here because I know you need someone so just stop. I don't know what happened between you and Gregson. I don't want to know but it's not your fault Victoria is dead and it's not his. Not mine either, not mine." Lisbon didn't realize she'd let her own feelings take over until her voice cracked and a tear slid down her cheek. This wasn't supposed to be about her, it was supposed to be about him and about what was happening between them.

Jane's face softened, his hand coming up to caress away the wet trail. He couldn't help but think they were a match pair, both emotionally damaged and content to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. He hadn't even contemplated the fact that she might blame herself for what had happened but he should have. This was Lisbon, she took on other people's burdens like they were own. He really hadn't been fair to her, all the touches and kisses were selfish of him. Getting wasted because of the way he'd treated a man who was just like him, it was all selfish. This entire time he hadn't put her into the equation, he'd only seen her as the one to be ashamed of him. Now he could see how broken she was, the pain hidden in her teary green eyes and his heart constricted in his chest. He was part of the reason she felt like this, he owed her an explanation.

"Patrick, if you leave this room, you know we'll never talk about it. If it makes you feel better, then I order you to stay away from Mike Gregson until this over. No contact whatsoever and I mean it Jane. But we have to talk about this, about...us. We can't pretend that nothing has been happening. You can't tell me that's not part of the reason you tried to drink the world away. I know it is. You said not to let you shut me out, this is me not letting you." If she wanted this, if she wanted him then he couldn't turn away. He couldn't walk out the door. She knew the baggage he came with and she still wanted to talk about it. She still wanted him.

His hands rested at her hips, thumbs tracing soft patterns into the skin peeking from beneath her shirt. He wasn't strong enough to say no when she worded it like that. He couldn't deny her this but he could make it clearer for her. Show her what she was getting herself into by not letting him leave, not letting him pretend nothing had happened. Leaning in towards her, he let his forehead make contact with hers. His eyes slid shut as he let out a breath and finally, his shoulders slumped in defeat. The way her fingers danced across his chest, only added to the reasons he gave in.

"If I don't leave this room, I'll take you back to bed and neither of us will be leaving." Red John couldn't rule him forever, he couldn't turn him into a monster. Jane had to make sure he didn't become a monster. The sharp intake of breath, and quickening of her pulse told him she hadn't been expecting him to say something like that. A shaky sigh left her parted lips and he closed the gap between their mouths, a promising yet soft kiss that left it up to her to decide. He stopped himself from deepening it, left the invitation open. It was up to her. If they took this step it was going to be her choice. She could let him leave, or make him stay.

It was hard for Lisbon to say what she wanted in times like this. She'd always had a hard time expressing what she needed in words but she knew she didn't want to let him go. She knew his blunt approach had her blood boiling in anticipation but she also knew there was more to it. He hadn't ever given her a direct answer on what exactly this would be. There were two options. She could make him stay, or let him leave. He was leaving it up to her and in that moment she really wished he hadn't. He'd done something that had left him so shaken he'd thought the only answer was to get wasted but she knew that the tension between them had also played a part in his decision to befriend alcohol for a night. She just didn't know what that meant. He hadn't given her an answer. She asked what was happening and then he'd tried to leave. Now here they were, waiting for her decision.

The pain, the sorrow and hatred she'd seen in his eyes was still lingering there. She knew the same was in her own gaze, she wanted to make it go away, and with one quick glance at the clock she made her decision.

"I'm not letting you leave," The words came out strong, determined and Lisbon was proud of herself for keeping her composure when he was pressing her against the door. ",but we should probably head in to work..."

Jane didn't give her time to finish the rant, he couldn't. In his mind they had plenty of time, it wasn't even six-thirty yet, he knew the rest of the team wouldn't be in until eight and he wanted the ache in his chest to stop. He would never forgive himself if he hurt her by doing this, so he hoped she knew what she was getting into; what she'd just agreed to. He'd wanted to give her a chance, that's why he was going to leave in the first place. But of course she'd been right, they need to talk or he'd hate himself in silence and sink further into the dark abyss that was threatening to overtake him. She was his only beacon of light. He wasn't confused anymore, he needed her or he'd slip into darkness but he was still so afraid he'd drag her down with him. That was a demon for another day.

He had her over to the bed in seconds, both forgetting the tears they'd shed and the ones that were lingering now, mixing together. Lisbon felt the air leave her lungs in a soft huff when her back hit the mattress. One look in his eyes and she wasn't confused anymore. Even if this turned into only one morning of comfort, he was thinking of her and only her. He wasn't using her as entertainment. She whispered a soft plea against his lips, one asking him to stop if he thought this would be a mistake but he didn't. Mouths fused together as the pain, grief and guilt they'd been feeling spilled out in every kiss, every touch. They both knew as soon as the first article of clothing hit the floor and he pinned her beneath him that there would be no forgetting this. He couldn't shut her out anymore, it had been a waste of effort to even try.

**a/n: *falls over* Whew, the last two chapters have been the longest most emotionally draining to type and I did it so quickly too. Go me, anyways I hope you liked it. I'm now going to reply to reviews since FFN seems to be working again. Yay. Oh and this was uploaded via cellphone so mistakes are definitely possible. Typing an entire chapter with just your thumbs will lead to that. Next one: More team, more Jane/Lisbon. And a break in the case? Maybe.**


	14. The Silence

**Disclaimer: The Mentalist is not mine. If it was, I would not write fanfiction. **

**A/N: It's supposed to snow here for Christmas, as of right now we're getting nothing but thunderstorms. I've always liked thunderstorms, though I'm not a fan of the whole living in tornado alley thing. Not a FAN! I was stuck outside during a tornado two years ago needless to say I'm terrified of them. Albeit they are beautiful in a destructive way and I kinda wish I'd had my camera at the time. Anyways, I thought I'd go ahead and get another chapter up. Really I think I'm spoiling you but I'm sure you don't mind or anything. Onward to the aftermath of what they've just done. Dun Dun DUN!! That was my dramatic music. Forgive the craziness. Insomnia is a bitch. No lie.**

**Don't you just love that I'll write the beginning and the end of a steamy scene. Maybe one day I'll be brave enough to do the entire thing.  
This one's shorter compared to last two, and slightly more hopeful. **

Neither had moved, too afraid that the moment would disappear if they did. They were lying on their sides, facing each other with only a few inches between them, the position still kept intimate by hands that rested on various bare skin. They didn't bother with covering themselves. There was no point now, no need to be shy. Not after they'd just explored each other like they were searching for lost treasure. Their bodies were sated, still humming in pleasure, but their emotions were not. More questions rose in Lisbon's mind as her gaze held Jane's but she didn't speak. Her breathing wasn't quite back to normal, nor was his and she wasn't sure it was possible to form words just yet. She kept her hands pressed to his chest, fingers slightly shaky as her body still trembled. The light caress he had tracing over her from thigh to hip did nothing to help with the tingly feeling flowing through her veins. This was all new to her, she'd never been so close to him, never had the pleasure of being naked, in every sense of the word, under his soft penetrating eyes. If she wasn't already flushed from their activities his stare would have had her as red as a tomato.

They couldn't turn away from what they'd done. They couldn't pretend it didn't happen and both of them knew that. They'd known it going in and yet they hadn't stopped. Jane couldn't actually believe they'd taken such a leap and yet the tiredness in his body told him it wasn't a dream or an illusion. His hangover headache was the last thing on his mind, the dull ache completely forgotten. They'd changed everything, started a new game. Shuffled the cards and dealt them again. He wished life could be like that. It'd be easier, but then if he'd had an easy life he wouldn't be him and Lisbon wouldn't be Lisbon.

Green eyes, all he could see was enticing green. It'd be easy to drown in her - it was easy, he'd just found out. She continued to stare seemingly unaware of his thoughts, eyes never leaving his as the pleasant shivers running through her body finally subsided under his gentle massage. She was slightly embarrassed but he didn't tease, although she knew under different circumstances he probably would have. She knew this hadn't fixed things, if anything they only became more complicated but now neither of them felt as alone. The tension that had built to the point of explosion was no longer there, they'd exhausted it with every kiss and every caress. Every movement had lessened the uncomfortable feeling until there was nothing left; nothing but them. The outside world had been pushed away, leaving them feeling as though the minutes between them could drag on forever but both knowing that couldn't happen. The world would come back, it always did. The harsh reality would rear it's ugly head again and consume them in the fight to find Red John but until then, they studied each other carefully. Gauging reactions and emotions through looks and soft touches.

"You okay?" Finally the silence was broken by Jane's gravely voice as his fingers gently brushed her bangs back from her dampened forehead. Lisbon could see the concern written all over his face, he was afraid he'd done something wrong.

"There's no taking this back or pretending it didn't happen." She didn't wait for him to reply, she just sucked in a sharp breath when his thumb ghosted over her bottom lip and continued. "I never got an answer. What's going on?"

"I'm not the best guy to get involved with."

"I was involved way before this so don't even try that." A saddened smile graced his features, his thumb running up the slope of her nose and across her brow. She felt like she was being thoroughly researched for something; like he was memorizing her. "You're flawed no doubt, one of those flaws being that you never know when to leave something alone to the point of being obsessed. You're selfish at times and childish. You can be a jackass and cold, but you have a heart. I know you do, I've seen it."

She wouldn't sugar coat this, not when she knew he needed to hear it. She wouldn't tell him he was good man because she knew he wouldn't believe it and it would only serve to make him think she expected more from him. She didn't. He was Patrick Jane, he was him and she wouldn't want him if he were anyone else. Her heart still ached for him, for what they'd become, for those who'd died at the hand of Red John and for the fact that this hadn't fixed anything. It'd only lessened the pain they felt.

"You wouldn't be so understanding if you knew what I said to..."

"I told you I don't want to know but even if I did, I might get angry with you or be disappointed but that doesn't mean it would change anything." The hands Lisbon had splayed against his bare chest, traveled up to tangle in the curls at the base of his neck as she let her lips seek his in a soft chaste kiss. "You can't push me away. The fact that we're lying here, like this, proves that."

"To answer your question; all I know is that I don't want this to stop." Jane still wasn't sure how to feel at that moment. The guilt was still burning deep inside of him, anger and hatred bubbling just below but he was too sated to try and fight her. He was done, he couldn't put any more energy into trying to make her see him for a monster when he should be using it to catch Red John. He wasn't fixed, he didn't feel any better than he had the day before, except now he knew for sure that he wasn't going at this completely alone. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he tugged her closer and pressed his mouth to hers - a soft languid kiss brought on by basking in the after glow. Though he wasn't sure the term glow was the right one for them. He rolled onto his back pulling her on top of him, both content for now to share the last little moments they had locked in a different world of tangled limbs and reassuring kisses. As to whom the reassurance was directed, neither could say. All too soon they had to move. They had to leave the warmth of the bed, of each other, to return to the cold dark case but this time they weren't fighting it alone. They weren't in a tug of war that neither would win, and some of the bubbling uncertainties they'd shared were gone.

* * *

Achy, tired, and cranky. Those were the three words Rigsby would use to describe the woman he'd found asleep on a pile of papers, at her makeshift desk. Normally he loved Van Pelt's company. He loved her, so it was safe to say her presence was welcome but on this day he just wished she'd go off somewhere to get some sleep. He was worried about her, and a little tired of being snapped at every two seconds for absolutely nothing. None of them had managed more than a few hours but Cho wasn't as snappy, and he didn't think he was either. He'd pull her off to the side soon and see if she was okay, normally she was the people pleaser so he knew something wasn't right. Even on bad days she usually kept up the optimism.

"Stop it, Rigsby." Her tone was rather harsh, irritated and the worst part was that Cho didn't say a word to defend him in any way.

"I'm not doing anything."

"You're tapping your pencil on the table, it's annoying. I'm trying to concentrate." He muttered an apology, dropped the pencil and flashed her a soft smile just as Jane and Lisbon entered the room. No one commented on the obvious shift in tension between the two. It wasn't as uncomfortable as it had been the last few days to be in the same room with them but everybody knew not to say anything about it. They were smarter than that.

"I see you found Jane." A smile tilted the corners of Jane's lips at the monotone delivery. A forced smile, they all knew but it was a smile nonetheless.

"I wasn't aware that I was lost, Cho. Although I am aware that you guys think one of the officers is an accomplice."

"Tyler Remington, thirty-four. The one who was stationed outside Victoria's bedroom door. Her windows were locked from the inside so we're thinking he let him in. He's a..."

"I want to talk to him." All eyes shifted to Jane as the words tumbled out of his mouth. In different circumstances they probably wouldn't be as concerned but knowing that Lisbon had to find him and knowing she had to go to a bar to do it, had everybody on edge. "I'm fine guys, really."

He wasn't fine, his head was pounding again and his anger was back. It was coursing through his veins, burning deep inside. He still hated what he'd done, blamed himself for what had happened and wished he would have done more to keep the little girl safe. This was another wound that would never fully heal, he knew that but nobody else needed to. Nobody besides Lisbon, she was the only one he felt he could share that part of himself with and it still frightened him to think of all she'd seen and heard from him in the last few days. All she knew about him. He was amazed she hadn't tossed in the towel and given up, he wouldn't have blamed her if she had but he should've known better. He should've realized how strong she really was, how tough and unforgiving she could be when it came to fighting for something. Just looking at her -admiring the way she held herself in the presence of her team - had him wondering what he'd done right in the last few years; what he'd done that earned him the privelige of receiving her affections. He hadn't done anything particularly great, nothing that made him feel he deserved her attention but he'd take it. Now that he knew he needed her, he'd take anything she offered until she decided he was a lost cause. He didn't know how long that would be, he didn't want to know.

"I'm going in with you." A fire burned in her eyes, but he wanted to protest. He didn't want her near anyone associated to the serial killer, whether it was her job or not. "It's not up for discussion Jane."

It was pointless to argue with her at a time like this. Though he knew it wasn't possible to avoid every little spat, he wouldn't be the cause of this one. Not after she'd given him so much of herself, all of herself without knowing if she'd get anything in return. He'd let her have this because he knew he wouldn't be on his best behavior for the rest of their time here. He couldn't promise her that so he'd let her in this time and try to keep her as in the loop as possible about his plans. He'd try, he just hoped she realized that he was indeed trying.

**a/n: I'm going to say that I'll probably post a new one soon, considering I've managed three in three days. I'm hoping I can keep this up. There's only about four more chapters....although I said the same thing about three chapters ago so who really knows. :D This one wasn't supposed to be practically all Jane/Lisbon but it turned out that way...oops. I'm also posting a chapter of a new story today(ish) (I know I already have like 50 going) but it's a crossover, Mentalist/Bones. It's going to be interesting. **


	15. The Pawn

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. Boo.**

**Changed my Pen name....not by much, only one word.**

**A/N: That is the last time I say I'm posting a chapter soon...I jinxed myself. I'm finishing up Minisodes this week. There might be a chapter tonight and definitely one tomorrow night. :D I have to end some of these if I ever plan on updating regularly. That being said, I actually don't know when this one will end. I'm aiming for four more chapters but in my head it just keeps getting longer. I swear my mind is plotting against me. First, 6 stories at once and now it doesn't want to let me end any of them. Ugh.**

The room was quiet, eerily so as the two men sitting across from one another stared each other down. Lisbon was uncomfortable sitting next to Jane when he was like this but she wanted to be with him. She wasn't sure what he'd do if she wasn't, so she sat silently waiting for him to speak up. Judging by the look on his face, he was organizing his thoughts, studying Tyler Remington and deciding why he was indeed Red John's pawn. She didn't want to interrupt, for once she let him take the lead even though it wasn't his job. To others she would appear to be calm and collected but if they could see her hands wringing together under the table, twisting nervously, they'd know she was anything but calm. Anger was coursing through her just as it was radiating from the body next to her. She was appalled that somebody would do something like this - that someone would let another human being murder an innocent little girl. Some people were terrible and she didn't consider them human at all really, they were monsters. Nothing more, nothing less.

Would it be wrong of her to wish she was still in bed with Jane? It probably would be but she had felt content with him, for the first time in days and he'd seemed the same. It was easy for Lisbon to wonder if the man she'd just slept with even remembered she was in the room. He had that look in his eye, crazed and shredded. She had a bad feeling about this entire interrogation but they needed answers. They needed to get Red John and that's why she wasn't pushing for Jane to stay out of this. She couldn't make him and it would be pointless to try. They'd only end up fighting which she didn't want to do anymore - not after everything that had happened that morning.

Sick of the quiet and leering looks from Tyler Remington, Lisbon opened her mouth ready to ask something but a hand touched her thigh to stop her. The shock of the warm touch did exactly that and she turned her head to shoot Jane a questioning look, only to be met with guarded eyes. It would have pissed her off if she didn't know whom he was guarding himself from. It wasn't her he was trying to keep out this time, it was the man sitting across from them. Jane was preparing himself for whatever Red John's pawn might say, she couldn't get mad at him for that. They turned back to the task at hand after giving themselves just a few seconds of comfort. Both of them knew it'd be a bad idea to show this man how comfortable they were around each other.

"Okay this is ridiculous, are you two really going to stare at me all day or are we going to actually discuss things?" Those words seemed to be the ones Jane had been waiting for and Lisbon couldn't help but tense in preparation of what she feared to be an explosive match between the two men. She knew better than anyone that Jane was already dangling by a thread with this case, this could only make it worse.

"What things are there to discuss?"

"There's always something to discuss Mr. Jane. You and your little friends think I had something to do with the death of that girl." The hand that Jane had rested on Lisbon's thigh moved back to his own lap as he chose his next words carefully.

"You are the only way Red John could have entered that room. You opened the window, let him in and then closed and locked it once he was finished. That was your mistake. If the window wasn't locked, we would never have even thought of you." It was a lie, they would have figured it out eventually. Jane knew he would have noticed if every window in the house was locked except for one. It was his job to notice. Plus forensics had found fingerprints and they belonged to the man they were questioning."Thing is, you didn't even try to deny it."

"When you're caught, you're caught. What's the point in trying to deny something you should be proud of?" Something shifted in the air as Lisbon visibly flinched at the words, she was afraid of what would happen next and took it upon herself to try and control the situation.

"Mr. Remington, you're a well respected officer of nine years and you're saying that you did indeed help a serial killer?"

"He's not a serial killer, he's Red John. He's different." There was hatred burning in Jane's gaze but she knew not to say anything. If she asked him to leave things would only blow up in her face and she didn't want that to happen. "He should be rewarded for his work, not hunted."

"Rewarded? For killi..." She'd seen it coming but wasn't prepared for it right then, Jane's voice interrupted her before she could finish her question. He was tired, he was angry and she couldn't blame him for wanting answers but his tone remained calm.

"She was a child, just a baby. You helped kill a little girl." Snap. She could almost hear it, the tension and anger radiating from him crackling as he stiffened in the chair. It worried her that he still acted composed. She knew he wasn't, she knew on the inside he was seething. "You're a sick bastard and you..."

"I what? Red John told me all about you, all about your family. That beautiful little one of yours. He enjoyed killing her you know, said it made him feel even more powerful than he actually is. Taking away something you created was the ultimate high for him, he really wants you..."

"Where is he? Where's Red John? If he wants me then he can have me, just tell me where to find him." Pushing himself up from the chair, Jane towered over the man in front of him and rested his hands on the table. He was used to the tables they had back at the CBI but these were just as good. A little shorter and made of wood but they worked. He was tired of the mind games, he was sick of everything. He just wanted Red John so he could breathe a little easier.

"Jane." A small hand wrapped around one of his own, trying to comfort him and it did a little but not enough to make him stop. Lisbon couldn't fix this, and he knew that deep down she already knew it hopeless to try.

"Where is he?" He was almost yelling at this point, anger was in control and the man sitting in front of him just smiled as if he had nothing better to do. As if, he hadn't played part in the murder of a defenseless child. Jane knew he would have made it through this fine if Remington hadn't brought up his daughter. The only other child killed by the monster, the only other child he should have protected better. "Don't smile at me like that, I want to know where he is. You said he wants me, so tell me where to go."

"Red John also mentioned your wife, how sweet it was to see her so terrified..."

The last shred of control Jane had was gone as soon as those words entered the air. He walked around the table as if he was just tired of sitting - completely composed on the outside - but as soon as he was close to Tyler Remington he was pulling him from the chair by his collar and struggling to get him pinned to a solid surface. He heard Lisbon's voice telling him to stop, to calm down but he just didn't want to. He was sick of playing mind games all the time. He didn't want to do it anymore, he wanted to put this behind him. He wanted to be a better man for her. He was intent, determined, to slam the man into the wall and force it out of him but he didn't get the chance. A small body crashed into him before he could complete the task, sending him into the wall instead. He could vaguely hear voices but the only person he acknowledged was the one who was being cuffed by Cho and led from the room. The smile never left the sickos face as he gave a chuckle and wink in Jane's direction.

It almost pleased Jane to know, from experience that anyone associated with the serial killer didn't live long after they spoke to the police. Even if they didn't tell them anything Red John saw them as a liability and wouldn't chance it. It almost made Jane happy to know that the man would die, but it didn't because he knew he needed him alive if he was ever going to find the man who murdered his family. As badly as he hated the situation, he needed Tyler Remington to live.

Lisbon had known, she had known something like this was going to happen. Jane was still too on edge and worked up yet she'd agreed to let him do this. Even if she'd told him no, he still would have somehow weaseled his way in. Everyone knew it but that didn't stop her from feeling partially responsible for the pain she could see in his eyes. Still she held tight against him, pressing her length to his front to make sure he couldn't move. He actually could have if he tried, maybe, probably but he wasn't even fighting her. She had him pinned to a wall and he seemed to drained to care. She should have made him stay back in her room to sleep off the hangover.

"Jane." He wasn't responding to her, he just kept staring as Cho walked their man out of the room. She knew that later Jane would be embarrassed about his erratic behavior. It would worry him that everybody saw him so vulnerable. She really wanted this to be over. "Jane?"

Releasing the hold on his arms, Lisbon let her hands cup his cheeks to force him to look at her. It was the only thing she hadn't already tried and at first his eyes stayed trained on the door though no one was there. One thumb rubbed his cheek affectionately while the other hand tapped lightly against the flesh, willing him to snap out of it. It seemed like hours before his eyes met hers but it was more like only a few minutes. Once their gazes finally locked, he was whispering a string of apologies. One following the other and each sounding more pitiful than the last. When would this end?

"It's okay, I mean it's not okay that you did that but we're okay. I know why and I understand Patrick. Just calm down." Lisbon knew her words were rushed, but she was more preoccupied with tugging his head down to her shoulder and stroking her fingers through his curls than actually holding a conversation. She hoped nobody was on the other side of the glass.

"I'm sorry. I'm okay Lisbon, I'm okay." He was telling the truth, she knew but she didn't let him go immediately. She kept him pressed against her for a few more seconds and enjoyed the feel of his arms holding her tight. This wasn't appropriate but she didn't give a damn at this point. She knew why he'd snapped and she would have too in that situation. She wouldn't lie, if she'd lost a family the way he had then she would have done the same thing. "I'm fine Teresa. You can let me go."

"We didn't get anything useful." Arms dropped and masks slipped back into place as they entered work mode once again. She wondered if she should worry that it was so easy for them to put their shields right back up after something like that. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Not really. I would have been if he hadn't..."

"I know." They stood facing each other in the small room, both aware that there was an elephant following them around. Even after their talk, Lisbon still didn't know what to really expect from him but he did seem more open with her now. He hadn't tried to hide from her this time which meant something. "Jane, uh we have to go back home tomorrow night after we tie up some loose ends here and pack up. We're sending Tyler Remington back tonight with doubled security. We're needed on another case. I thought you should know."

A sigh fell from his lips as he nodded solemnly. They'd both known it was coming, they couldn't stay in this place forever when they still had nothing to go on and it was inevitable for them to get another case. Jane had hoped they would find something but he'd known from the beginning that this wasn't the time they'd catch Red John. Lisbon had known it too, he knew she had but she was always trying to be supportive for him. He loved that about her. Unless they found something good in the next twenty four hours then they were headed back to Sacramento. He was saddened by that thought for two big reasons. The first one was obvious, no Red John. The second, he wasn't sure he wanted to stop sharing a room with Lisbon.

"There's someone I need to apologize to, can you guys hold down the fort without me for a few hours?" Lisbon chewed her bottom lip to think about it before answering. She didn't want him to go AWOL again. "I'll be back, I just really need to do this. I need to get out of here, I can't be here right now."

"Okay. I know you're talking about Gregson and I want you to be careful. Just please call me if anything happens." It was in her eyes that she was scared he'd try to shut her out again even though he'd told her he wouldn't. He couldn't blame her for being skeptical but he could ease her mind just a little.

"I will, I promise." With a quick, saddened peck to her lips, he was gone and she was left wondering how torn up he really was about the fact that they couldn't stay any longer to work the case. She figured he knew that they had all they were going to get from the town, and they could work what they knew from Sacramento but it still didn't make it any easier to tell him. Nothing was easy. She'd talk with him when they made it back to their room for the night. Their room, she liked the sound of that more than she should. She'd make sure he opened up about what had just taken place during the interrogation and how his apology to Mike Gregson went. She'd also make sure they talked about their current sleeping arrangements and how that worked once they went home. For now, she rubbed her temples and went to find her team. They would be walking on eggshells for the rest of the day after seeing Jane lose it like that. They weren't used to seeing him in such a state. She wasn't used to it, he'd never been physical like that with anyone before. The only reason she let him go was because she knew he needed a little time to himself to think and she needed the same. She knew he was tired of feeling so helpless and broken, she couldn't fault him for that. Who would? The poor man deserved something besides constant pain and suffering. She hoped that after an apology that he and Gregson could talk. Maybe they'd help each other a little.

**a/n: Pretty much all case related but the next chapter is all Jane/Lisbon. I love that this story gets so many readers/reviewers. I think that's also a part of why it just keeps getting longer...I know a lot of people love it. Another reason this took so long...I've been drawing instead of writing...I know, I know bad Nellie. I was actually almost asleep while writing this, I'm horribly tired and I have the headache of all headaches right now. Meh.**


	16. The Decision

**Disclaimer: Well, considering I only have a hundred dollars I think it's safe to say that I do not own The Mentalist.**

**A/N: I went to update Minisodes and this came out instead. I stopped asking how my mind worked years ago. That being said I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. :) To my anonymous reviewers who I haven't been able to thank properly Nancy, angel, MentalistLover and Sara: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this! After all the doom and gloom of the last few chapters I thought you guys deserved something semi-light. So here it is, light with underlying serious tones...and all Jane/Lisbon cuddly goodness. Yes this is my treat to you for being so awesome.**

The streets of the town were lonely in the evenings, Jane found out quickly that it wasn't a long walk from where Mike Gregson was staying to the motel. He'd opted for a stroll rather than a vehicle for transport. He'd promised Lisbon he'd be back but he still didn't feel like facing the team just yet. He'd made a complete fool of himself and there was no way they'd look at him without pity lingering in their eyes. He didn't want to see that, not today so he went to the one place he could feel comfortable and relaxed. Lisbon's room, or their room now. Their room, he really liked that but tomorrow it'd be gone. The walk gave him time to think.

He'd apologized to the man he'd shattered with his words and surprisingly it went rather well. It was awkward and tense at first, Patrick Jane was never one to just say 'I'm sorry' but the point had come across and he'd stayed for over two hours talking about little girls with skinned knees and sweet women who hadn't deserved their fate. In some odd way, it had helped. Jane felt as though he could breathe a little easier now, though he knew he never should have said what he did to begin with. He'd never be able to forget how cruel he'd truly been but he'd been forgiven. He hadn't deserved to be but he was. There was a lot of that going around, he didn't deserve certain things but he was getting them regardless. Lisbon being the prime example. Maybe he did deserve her though, maybe she was the one thing he could do right in what was left of his existance. As long as he didn't screw it all up and hurt her. He was so afraid he'd hurt her but after this morning he knew it was worth a shot. She'd given him everything she could, touches, kisses, comfort and he wasn't sure he would ever be able to dream about anything besides the way she'd looked flush with pleasure.

Within a matter of minutes he was walking through the motel lobby, towards the front desk. Lisbon's favorite person was there, he smirked at the thought and offered the woman a charming grin. He needed a keycard if he was going to get into the room and set a few things up. He wanted to show Lisbon how much he appreciated and cared for her so he had a little plan. Nothing big.

* * *

Lisbon was beyond tired, she was exhausted and a little worried. Jane had promised he would be back, but she hadn't seen him since he'd left and he hadn't text or called either. She wasn't panicking like the last time he'd vanished because she knew where he'd been going and she knew he needed some time to himself. That didn't stop her from contemplating whether or not she should at least call him to see where he was now. It'd been a good four hours since she'd had to pin him to the wall so he wouldn't attack the officer who helped Red John. The whole short drive back to the motel she'd had his name and number already pulled up on her phone, all she would have had to do was press the call button but she couldn't do it. She had to trust him with this, he'd promised and he hadn't broken any of his promises before - not the ones he made to her anyway.

The team had followed her to the motel this time, she'd dismissed them a little early after they'd packed up their stuff. Everyone had been solemn about having to leave but nobody was really shocked by the news. They were all just worried about Jane and apparently her as well judging by the three times Van Pelt had asked if she was okay. She wondered if they somehow knew about her and Jane but then quickly dismissed the thought as she walked passed the main desk in the lobby. The snooty woman was there again, staring at her well it was more like glaring. She didn't know what her problem was but it seemed rather childish of her to act like that. It didn't matter, they would be leaving tomorrow but it still irked her.

There was something different when she got to the door of her room, she could tell. Maybe Jane was starting to rub off on her but she could hear the faint sound of water running from the other side as she slid the thin plastic into it's rightful place and turned the handle. The sound grew louder when she pushed the door open and stepped inside. A soft sigh escaped her lips as she dropped her stuff by on the nightstand and set to work on taking off her shoes. She wasn't so worried now - between the sound of the shower and the clothes scattered on the floor she knew where Jane had been hiding. A brief thought of joining him flickered in her brain but she decided not to. She'd showered before they left that morning, after their round of lovemaking. It had been her way to escape for a few minutes and think of what they'd done. Now all she really wanted to do was sleep, she was so sick of the late nights and early mornings but there was one thing that caught her eye before she could fall back onto the bed. It looked too good to resist and without even thinking of the ramifications, she was stripping down to her underwear.

It was a good thing the curtains were drawn or she'd be one very embarrassed woman wandering around in her bra and panties. Slightly shocking considering the day but she found a smile toying at her lips as she picked up the soft piece of clothing from the floor. The fabric felt cool and worn against her skin as she slid it around her shoulders, working her arms through the appropriate holes. It smelled of him. She loved that smell and everything that came with it. She wondered what would have happened if her heater hadn't been broken that first night. They probably wouldn't be where they were now. When she finished buttoning all but the top button, she fell back against the inviting mattress and closed her eyes. Only for a minute, only until Jane was out of the shower.

What she guessed was just a few minutes later, soft kisses were peppering their way up her jaw and a soft caress was working its way up her bare thigh leaving a trail of goosebumps on her skin. Warm lips and hands, she could get used to waking like that. For a split second she contemplated just rolling away from him and snuggling back into the bed but that would be rather mean of her and she knew they still had to discuss a few things though nothing would ever be wrapped up in a pretty package. Blinking rapidly, she forced her eyes to stay open as he pulled back and smiled at her. It wasn't the mega-watt grin she was used to seeing from him so often. It was something powerful and sweet despite the way they were feeling. It took her a few minutes to realize he was sitting next to her in nothing but a towel and that his curls were still slightly dripping - the water droplets hit her cheeks when he shifted.

"Hey, you're early. I wasn't expecting you yet." Even through the soft tone of his voice, he seemed disappointed by her presence which made her more than a little confused.

"I figured I'd give the team a night to sleep after everything."

"That's probably a good idea. My shirt huh?" Skilled fingers tugged at the loose fitting cloth covering her from neck to thigh but he didn't try to peel her out of it. He just caressed her sides through the obstruction and leaned in closer.

"It seemed better than my pajamas. I'll take it off if you don't want me..."

"No, leave it. Looks good on you." Lisbon still hadn't figured out why he seemed so disappointed to see her but when he closed the gap between them and laid a lazy kiss against her lips, she didn't really care. The slow pace was mind numbingly sweet and something about the way he caressed her cheek while deepening the kiss had her wanting more. She fisted her hands in his wet curls and tried to tug him down on top of her but he resisted and pulled back with a grin. "I had planned to have dinner set up for you but I figured you'd still be a few hours. I wanted to show you how much I really appreciate all you've done for me."

"Well I think you showed me that this morning." The teasing in her voice was paired with a smirk that he matched with one of his own but the moment quickly turned to a more serious route when he interlaced both of their hands. "What happens when we go home Patrick?"

"I told you I didn't want this to stop, I haven't changed my mind on that." His intense eyes held hers and she wondered how odd this looked. She was still lying on her back and he was just content to loom over her for a conversation like this while wearing just a towel. If it wasn't such a sensitive topic she would have laughed.

"Are we...in a relationship or just..." The last few words caught in her throat and she actually had to force herself to look away just to stay composed. She wouldn't be able to if he answered that the wrong way. A few deep breaths and she was good to face him again. "I uh, I just need to know."

"I don't want to label anything but this isn't just casual for me. I know it isn't for you either so the real question would be: can you handle me, this?"

"I'm getting pretty good at dealing with you, I think we'll be fine." The teasing smirk was back despite the seriousness in his tone. He hadn't meant for it to turn into something light, she knew that but she couldn't help herself. It's what they were good at; serious, playful, serious, ect and the question burning on her tongue only proved it. "Do you want to talk about what happened with Remington?"

"I didn't mean to lose it, I just...he brought up my family and the things he was saying just...I snapped. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize to me. The bastard deserved it but I had to do my job. I didn't hurt you when I slammed you into the wall did I?" The worry must have shown on her face because in a matter of seconds Jane's thumb was gently brushing against her forehead. Massaging the lines present and relaxing the muscles before slipping down the slope of her nose. She came to the conclusion that he must like her nose.

"No. Thank you though, for being the one to talk me back down."

"You're welcome." Jane's mouth caressed hers once more in a quick soft kiss before he abruptly stood from the bed and headed for the bathroom once again. Lisbon was tired but she forced herself to get up and follow him, sneaking through the door just before he closed it. She needed to brush her teeth before she crashed but in her sleepy state she hadn't thought he'd drop the towel as soon as the door clicked shut. He knew she was there and it wasn't like she hadn't seen him naked but it still sent her heart into overdrive. Her body didn't seem to understand that she only wanted to sleep.

It was slightly comforting that neither of them seemed to care the other was in the room while they brushed their teeth and Jane put on some clothes. He made a quip about it only being fair that he got to sleep in his underwear if she got to sleep in hers. There wasn't a protest on her part but he hadn't expected one. It was domestic to share a bathroom like this but Lisbon didn't mind and he didn't act like it bothered him so nobody said anything to disrupt the easy flow.

Jane was the last to exit the bathroom, switching off the light in the process. It wasn't even up for discussion, they both knew it was time for bed. The tiredness seeped from their bones and as he crawled under the covers and pulled her close. He couldn't seem to shut off his brain. It kept replaying every detail of what had happened in that interrogation room. Lisbon curled into him with a sigh and he watched her carefully as her eyes slipped shut. He had to protect her, if he was going to do this whole relationship thing then he needed to keep her safe. There was so much at stake by agreeing to this but he knew he couldn't just walk away. He couldn't hurt her. She deserved more than some casual sex thing and he was going to give it to her. He was going to try his best to be what she deserved.

After the last several days, she still wanted him and even though he believed she was getting in over her head by agreeing to this, he wouldn't turn her down. He cared for her too much to even consider it. He was just afraid she wasn't as ready as she liked to think and it worried him that she still blamed herself for Victoria's death. Strange since he blamed himself too but it really wasn't Lisbon's fault. He could see in her eyes that she was still thinking she should have done more, he'd work on convincing her that there was nothing she could have done to change the outcome once they were back home. It'd be easier there. All his thoughts led back to the case and one stuck out like a sore thumb: Red John. He wouldn't let Red John get to her, he was sure the maniac would try it if he found out about their change in relationship. Jane wouldn't let it happen.

His arms tightened their hold on her small body as he made the solemn vowe to keep her safe from anything Red John related. He owed her that much - after she'd given him her all, he owed her. She kept him safe, and he'd do the same for her. Give and take, that's how it would be for them. He just had to keep her safe discreetly or she'd throw a fit. He smiled warmly at the thought and the soft mewling noise she made as she shifted higher and turned her face into his neck. She wasn't quite asleep yet but she was close and there was something that was bothering him that he needed to share before she gave in to the pull.

"Lisbon?"

"Mm?" A shiver ran down his spine at the feel of her reply against his neck. He wasn't so interested in sleeping anymore but he knew she needed her rest. They hadn't had a good nights sleep in the duration of their time here.

"Didn't Cho say that Tyler Remington was only thirty-four?"

"Mhm."

"Don't you think he looked quite a bit older than that?" She didn't say anything for a few seconds and then all he heard was grumbling and something that sounded distinctly like a growl. "Okay, okay, you can sleep now."

She seemed happy with his choice to let her sleep, snuggling into him and pressing her lips to his neck in appreciation which made him shudder. He wondered if she knew what she'd done or if she was even awake enough to notice. It'd been a long time since he'd felt like this for a woman. That scared him but she kept him from wallowing in self pity which proved he needed her whether he wanted to believe it or not. His last coherent thought before slipping into a dreamless sleep was one that had him worried for tomorrow - he had a feeling the man they'd interrogated wasn't Tyler Remington. He'd tell Lisbon in the morning.

**a/n: Okay, so this didn't turn out how I intended but I hope you like it nonetheless. Also the new chapter for Family Revelations (crossover) will be up today...after I sleep a few hours. **


	17. The Drive

**Disclaimer: Still not owning it.**

**A/N: Hey hey guys. I know I've been rather late with updating...sorry and this is kind of like a short little filler chapter, blame my current writers block for that one. That being said this story is coming to a close. I only have two more chapters planned after this one. They are longer I promise. Feel free to point out any mistakes and I'll fix them. I have a horrible habit of leaving words out. **

The air in the SUV was becoming thick and clouded with an uneasy tension. The early morning playfulness forgotten as soon as Lisbon had mentioned Red John. She didn't mean to make Jane angry, in fact she wasn't sure he was actually angry. She just knew he wasn't talking and the lines on his forehead were giving away the fact that something was bothering him. An understatement really, she knew this entire case had been bothering him from the second they got the call. It only worsened the longer they stayed, the further the serial killer slipped away.

There were times that Lisbon was afraid Red John would go down in history as another one of America's famous killers who was never caught. She didn't want that to happen but sometimes the thought lingered in the back of her mind that they may never catch him. She had no idea what that would do to the man sitting in the passenger seat. Maybe that's what had him so quiet and pensive, maybe he was thinking about the exact same thing. She still wasn't entirely sure how to do the whole comforting thing since things were so different between them now but with every glance his direction, she knew she had to try something.

Taking her right hand off the steering wheel, she let it wander over to gently rest over the closed fist on his thigh. Keeping her eye on the road, she pried his fingers apart with a surprising ease and slid her hand into his, giving it a squeeze. She'd been the one to ruin their morning, so she felt it was only right to be the one to try and make it better. Though, where Red John was concerned it would never be better. To her delight, Jane didn't pull away from her touch, he just threaded his fingers through hers and whispered an almost silent thank you.

They both knew it would always be like this, they could be romantic with each other, joke and banter but there would always be this seriousness just below the surface. Lisbon hadn't helped at all when she'd been selfish enough to ask about what happened when they caught Red John. She'd been curious to see if his views had changed since they were engaging in a relationship but he hadn't answered. It'd been quiet ever since. She had showered alone, packed and they'd left the small town that had been rocked by a horrific tragedy to return home - back to their everyday lives. Lisbon was a little scared of what lay ahead for them.

She'd ruined the ease of the early morning because she couldn't convince her brain to be content with lying in Jane's arms. What if she managed to ruin absolutely everything? It had been something out of a romance novel, she was sure of it. The way they were tangled together in a heap of limbs, awake but unmoving, had to be one of the most intimate moments between them. The only motion was that of hands, stoking hair and tracing patterns into bare skin. She'd had to open her big mouth. She should have left it alone and enjoyed the silent warmth of Jane's arms and the shirt enveloping her. She'd loved sleeping in his shirt though it wasn't quite the same as being in his arms wearing nothing. She hadn't had the pleasure of sleeping like that just yet, soon hopefully.

Even now wearing a casual but work appropriate outfit, she could feel the fabric of his dress shirt against her skin. She'd stuck that shirt in her bag, throwing it in with all of her clothes even though she knew he'd noticed. It would become her new favorite article of clothing to sleep in when he wasn't around, and maybe sometimes when he was. She couldn't figure out why that shirt was any different from the rest but it just was, and instead of cherishing the moment while wearing it, she'd destroyed it with a selfish question.

"I-I'm sorry Patrick," The sound of his first name rolling off her tongue still seemed foreign in this kind of setting. She'd used it plenty during introductions but this was emotionally raw and intimate. She wasn't quite used to it just yet but it was already becoming an easy habit. "I never should have asked you..."

"You're fine, Teresa. It was something I needed to think about but I'm afraid I can't come up with an answer. I can't say that I've changed my plans and I know that isn't what you want to hear."

"It's okay." Lisbon didn't know what else to say and thankfully he didn't press her for anything more. She just didn't know if there were any words to describe how ripped apart yet loved he could make her feel. They were quiet once again, and though it wasn't quite as tense, she still reached out to turn on the radio just to fill the car with something besides the sound of sighs. Soft tunes drifted from the speakers as Jane lifted their entwined hands and softly kissed her knuckles.

It was still going to take some getting used to, but she knew that eventually the touching and kisses would become as normal as breathing. For the time being it was still new, still fragile. He wasn't angry with her though, he was still angry with himself. He didn't blame her for any of this, though she still blamed herself for the death of Victoria. It was in his eyes that he still blamed himself too, they really were a match pair. Guilt ridden. She felt horrible that they'd had to leave, granted there wasn't anything they hadn't been over a hundred times but she'd still felt as though she'd let Jane down somehow. That was a conversation for another day.

Maybe he thought she hadn't fought to stay, that she hadn't fought to keep the case number one priority. She had, there were some words exchanged but nothing she'd said kept them in the small town any longer. They were needed in Sacramento and it was supposed to be as simple as that.

They'd been a little late leaving the motel though, the rest of the team had left before them and last she'd heard they were pulling into the CBI parking lot. That'd been an hour ago and now it was her and Jane that were almost back to headquarters.

"Are you hungry or anything Jane? I can stop somewhere if you want."

"No, I'm fine. We're almost there." Trying to make small talk really was useless when they were both in a mood. Neither had wanted to leave the motel, the case. They wanted to keep working there, make a connection and finally catch the murdering bastard who caused Jane so much pain. It was a gloomy day, the sun wasn't shining. It resembled those first few days they'd been on the case. Only clouds were visible and Lisbon found it kind of ironic that the weather was matching their moods.

It was just as they were pulling into an empty parking space that Lisbon's phone started chirping. She couldn't hold back the slight groan that fell from her lips when she had to pull her hand from Jane's to grab the small offending object from her pocket. She answered with a curt 'Lisbon' and pounded her fist against the steering wheel when Cho's voice rang through.

"What? When did this happen?" She shot a quick glance at Jane hoping it was reassuring but she really knew it wasn't. He paled the second he heard the slight panic in her tone. He looked like he was going to be sick and something told her he knew exactly what had happened without even having to hear about it. "Shit, we'll be up in a few minutes and decide where to go from there."

Hanging up, she unbuckled her seat belt and then leaned across to press her lips to Jane's in a sweet kiss that would hopefully help with the sting that the words she had to say to him would undoubtedly bring. Brushing her mouth against his, she kept it light while stroking his cheek before pulling back far enough to look him in the eye.

They both took a deep breath at the same time and Jane grasped her hands tightly already aware that she was about to give him some bad news. Red John wouldn't give them a break, he never would. This was going to be their life until they caught him, just a twisted game that the monster expected them to participate in.

"Just tell me Lisbon." A barely there smile toyed at her lips as he read her mind and rested his forehead against hers, awaiting the news. Even though they still didn't know enough about each other to be completely comforting, it was enough and even though they'd just been barely talking - on edge with each other - it didn't matter. This did, Lisbon wasn't sure how he'd take it. If it was anything like how he'd handled hearing about Victoria's death then it wouldn't be good. Judging by the way he'd handled everything after that, it wouldn't be good. She was really hoping she could anchor him just a little.

"Tyler Remington escaped."

**a/n: New chapters of Temptation and Family Revelations will be up soon, within the next day. My throat is so sore and my whole mouth is swollen. I can't stop coughing which only makes things worse. My head feels as though someone is beating it in with a baseball bat and my right ear is all achy. Worst part is that it hurts to even open my mouth and I keep yawning.**


	18. The Revelation

**Disclaimer: You're kidding right?**

**A/N: I just have to say Holy Jay America, 399 reviews? Really? *checks eyes* I love you all. Everyone who reads this, alerts it, reviews it. All of you deserve a present. Sadly I don't have enough money to actually buy everyone something so I hope this chapter is good enough. :D We pick up exactly where the last one left off. **

_"Tyler Remington escaped."_

* * *

Silence was once again Lisbon's companion as she leaned further away from Jane to watch his reaction. She'd told him while they were alone in the car for a reason. He wouldn't need to put on a brave face just so the rest of the team didn't see him as vulnerable. She wouldn't burst his bubble but he wasn't good at hiding his emotions when Red John was involved. Rigsby, Van Pelt and Cho could see through him then, just as easily as she could. It was easy to see him hurting, though she did give him credit for being able to hide how deeply the pain went.

Brushing her fingers through the curls at the base of his neck, she watched his eyes for a sign of something, anything to let her know what he was feeling. All she could decipher was that he was thinking, the wheels in his mind turning at an alarmingly fast pace and then he seemed to snap out of it. His hands tugged her uncomfortably closer, causing the center console to dig into her hip but she ignored it and let him do what he needed to. Her heart was hammering in her chest, so afraid of how he'd handle a setback such as this but he simply let out a shaky breath, eyes searching hers as he reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear.

"Escaped?" He didn't sound shocked at all, he sounded as though he was making sure he heard right. She nodded slowly, not quite sure what was happening and then he was suddenly tugging her wrist whilst opening the door. He pulled her out of the car through the passenger side mumbling under his breath the entire time. It was awkwardly painful for her but she didn't say anything until her feet hit the ground.

"What are..."

"Escaped, not dead. How did he escape?" Lisbon didn't answer, she didn't know and he seemed to be thinking out loud instead of actually engaging her. His hand had slipped from her wrist, down to grasp her fingers and he was no longer pulling her anywhere. She walked next to him, crossing the parking lot, not really wanting anyone to see that they were holding hands, but too afraid to jerk away from his touch.

He had that look on his face, she was getting too used to seeing it. She wondered how long it would be before it became a permanent expression instead of one that only Red John cases brought on. That look used to worry her, it kind of still does but she knows now that he will at least include her in his plans. She hopes he does anyway. He was still muttering but she knew he hadn't forgotten that she was beside him. He was still holding her hand tightly as they entered the building and headed for the elevator.

"What are you thinking, Jane?"

"Two theories but I need more details."

"We have a case Jane." Once inside the small moving cube, he released her hand with an apologetic smile before running his own through his hair. Jane was getting so tired of searching, of games and of this two steps forward, two steps back charade. If he was right then everything made more sense. Remington's taunting that snapped his control, the murder of the little girl who knew Red John and the reason for the note they'd found with the body they'd originally went to investigate.

It would all make sense, though he wasn't sure he wanted it to because that would mean they'd not only failed but they'd been conned. He hadn't seen it coming and that made the idea ten times worse. These cases really did give him tunnel vision. One goal in mind and nothing else. Somehow he'd managed to see a little more on this case but he still didn't predict something like this.

The only good thing that had happened to him in years was watching him now with questioning eyes, she was the reason he hadn't slipped into himself during this case. The reason he was still somewhat sane and she was worried. A small smile tugged at his lips, she was always worried. She couldn't help it though, it's just how she was. The worry prone type who tries to fix everything but she was Lisbon, his Lisbon. His. Yes, he was being possessive and he had good reason to be if he was right about this.

His heart was pounding, he could feel it in his throat and part of him knew which theory of the two was right. That's why he was so worked up. He knew, he was just hoping he was wrong.

"Jane? You coming?" Lisbon's soft voice brought him back to the reality of his location, making him aware that the elevator doors were open and she was already out, waiting on him. Without giving her a verbal reply, he simply followed her into the bullpen to be met with three long faces. They were already giving him sympathetic stares though anger lingered in their gazes. They were mad at the situation and so was he. Without any hello or beating around the bush, he got straight down to business.

"I need to know how Remington escaped and who he really was. I think he was using an alias or maybe a stolen identity." He wasn't talking to anyone in particular but it was Lisbon who laid a hand on his arm, ignoring the looks from their colleagues.

"Jane I'm sorry but we were called back for a case. We're only here for an update. We can talk about Remington escaping on the way to the morgue but we need to go."

"Lisbon, please, I..." He was ready to beg for this, the other case could wait just a few more minutes but he was saved by Cho. Good ole Cho was the bearer of bad news.

"Three of the officers escorting him were rendered unconcsious and the other missing."

"Not missing, helping." His theory was right, the one he had hoped was wrong. Everyone was staring at him as if they were slightly confused, but Lisbon's eyes were clear. She seemed to have a clue about where he was taking this but before he could tell her, Van Pelt was brave enough to voice the others' thoughts.

"You think Red John helped his sidekick get out of going to prison? They usually just end up dead."

"Exactly. Red John isn't helping. The sidekick is." For a few seconds there was nothing but silence, a gentle squeeze on his arm to encourage him to keep going and the thumping of his heart. "We didn't have Red John's pawn, we had Red John."

There was no collective intake of breath, no real dramatic pause, just a slew of curse words and angry agents realizing what this all meant, why Jane was so worked up that he was starting to shake.

Lisbon dropped her head - suspicions confirmed though she'd hoped that they would have been denied - before glancing around quickly when a loud thud echoed through the bullpen. Cho was pacing now, a tipped chair at his feet. Rigsby slumped over his desk, fists clenched and Van Pelt was seemingly in a state of shock. She knew her agents were invested in this case, it was hard not to be. She knew they were angry, even more now that they realized who had slipped through their fingers and though she knew she should tell them to calm down or ask if they were okay, she didn't. Instead she did the one thing that would get them all focused.

"Cho take Rigsby, go and see if any of the officers remember what happened. Van Pelt, get his face out there, to the public, to other law enforcement. Everyone needs to know especially since he seems to be able to impersonate cops and infiltrate about anywhere." Two of her agents filed out of the room as Van Pelt picked up the phone.

"They won't remember anything Lisbon and it's easy to change your appearance." Jane was back to using that defeated tone, the one she hated to hear. He may have been right but she didn't care. The sooner people knew the sooner they could possibly get a location. They were going to catch Red John, they had to.

"Jane, I will have this entire planet plastered with pictures of him if I have to but we're going to catch him. We will, now come on there's a body at the morgue we need to check out and then we'll meet up with Cho and Rigsby." She hated being pulled in two different directions but they had another case waiting for them and there was nothing else they could do. It went without saying that it would be on the back burner until there really was nothing more on Red John. She already had everyone doing all they could so why was there always a nagging feeling that she should be doing more? Every time she glanced over her shoulder to confirm that Jane was following closely behind, she felt as if she'd failed him in some way.

Loving him was a lot harder than she'd ever imagined. She'd never intended to love him at all, let alone this much. She wasn't one to shout such things from the rooftops or even admit it to the other person. Most of the time she wouldn't even admit it to herself. Part of her liked to think that he could just tell, that he already knew and that it didn't freak him out. As for if that was actually true, she had no idea. Despite his flaws, she knew she loved him and that she'd do everything in her power to catch the man who haunted his dreams. She hated this day as much as the last several.

* * *

There were times when Lisbon was alone in her office, like she was now, that she wondered if seeing all the evil in the world was really worth it. Every day something sinister would happen, if not there then somewhere else and sometimes there was no catching the bad guys. In television maybe but in real life, sometimes they got away. Some went on killing for years and years and there was nothing anyone could do about it because they didn't have a clue who was doing it. She wanted Red John gone, put away for good and it stung to know that they'd had him. Now he'd vanished once again and despite the hours that had passed since his escape, no one knew anything.

They'd done their best to work the new case, as well as track down the last couple of things they had on Red John before the trail ran cold. She hated that Jane had to deal with this. Knowing he'd been face to face with the killer who murdered his family without knowing it at the time. If she could take it all away she would. If she could get rid of his pain and bring his family back then she would but she couldn't and there was no point dwelling on things that couldn't happen.

There wasn't anything new, it was back to waiting. The horrid game that always ended in someones death. You wait for Red John and someone will die, that's just how it worked. Lisbon hated it. She hated seeing what it did to her team, to Jane, even to herself. She wasn't the same person she'd been before the Red John case had fallen into her hands. So many deaths, and the fact that one man seemed to be capable of conning unfortunate people to do his bidding and help him out was just sick. If and when he killed again, they'd all blame themselves.

A light knock alerted her to Jane's presence as he shuffled into the room. His shoulders were slumped, head hung lung and there was no spark in his eyes. He'd been like this since he'd announced they'd had Red John. No one could focus properly on the new case, though they were working efficiently but everyone was still worked up about the serial killer that eluded them.

"I was in the same room as the man who murdered my family." And that was why Jane had been so silent. He felt like he's once again failed his family. "He's seen you too. He knows that I..we're more than just colleagues."

"How would he know that Jane?"

"The interrogation. I saw the look in his eyes when Cho led him out in cuffs, he knows Lisbon." As much as she wanted to say he was wrong, she knew he was more than likely right. It had probably been written all over her face. She'd been so worried about him that she hadn't tried masking her emotions.

"If you're about to launch into a speech about how dangerous this is and that I should just stay away from you then you're nuts. We agreed that we didn't want this thing between us to end just because we came home and I'm sure as hell..."

"Teresa shush." It wasn't the use of her name that startled her, it was the softness of his voice as he rounded her desk. "I didn't plan on saying anything more than what I already have."

Letting out a sigh of relief, she offered him a comforting smile. It was clear to her that he saw things the same way she did at the moment. If Red John knew then there was no point in giving up what they'd just found. The maniac would come after her regardless, if he wanted to then he would and ending things wouldn't stop him. She was still hopeful that they'd catch him before anymore blood was shed though it saddened her that Jane wasn't.

His hands gripped the arm rests on her chair and spun her towards him as he crouched down in front of her. Eye level and slightly confused, Lisbon reached out to trace his jawline and confess something she'd been trying to hide throughout the entire case since Victoria's death.

"I feel like I should have done something more for Victoria, for you." There was a flicker in his eyes, a hint of the spark that had been absent almost all day and then he was pulling her out of the chair. She wasn't expecting it but she chose not to fight him as he stood and tugged her with him. She let out a soft yelp of surprise when he crushed her to his chest, one hand buried in her hair and the other gripping at her back.

Just as quickly and unexpectedly as the embrace began, it ended. Lisbon was still slightly confused and watched him with tired eyes. Jane wasn't sure whether he should laugh at the woman in front of him for being so unknowingly adorable or cry for losing the one man he'd been after for so long. He wanted to do both. He'd had Red John, he'd spoken to him, touched him and now he was gone again. The sicko had taken pleasure in riling him up to the point of snapping his control and then he just escaped. That's all he'd wanted, to shake Jane and show him that he could always find him when he wanted to. Always one step ahead.

There were times when he wondered if he'd ever catch the man who stole away his family but he always tried to silence those thoughts. He didn't like thinking that there was a chance he never would. The only thing anchoring him now was standing close, the warmth of her body radiating into him as she caught his hand in hers and whispered a request he couldn't say no to.

"Stay with me tonight."

"I plan to. I'm also making you dinner." He wasn't alone, they were both hurting over this. He'd learned that during their stay in the motel. He wasn't alone. Grabbing her jacket, he offered it to her and waited as she shrugged it on with ease. He would take her home, make her something to eat, then take her to bed and if she asked, he'd tell her how torn up he was over this. She was the only one he'd tell.

**a/n: Just thought I'd point out that when I started this fic it was only supposed to be five chapters. I think I went over that limit by a few. The next chapter will be the last. Here's a preview:**

**_The rain pelted against the window as he stared out into the night. Red John was out there somewhere, still taunting him and knowing that Lisbon was more than just someone he worked with. It worried him, scared him. If anything happened to her, he didn't know what he'd do. If anything happened to her because of Red John, he'd lose the last shreds of sanity he had left._**


	19. The Beginning

**Disclaimer: Are you kidding me? I'm writing fanfiction...which wouldn't be necessary if I owned the show.**

**A/N: Okay, here it is guys. The FINAL chapter. I had other stories that needed updated but I wanted to finish this instead. When I started this little gem, I planned five chapters and then it just grew into this beast. That being said, I'm sad to see it end but so happy to finally get it finished. This last addition is bittersweet, this is the chapter that I wrote before I even started the rest of the story. I tend to do things backwards. I did however go back through it and change things, add more details, and thoughts. :D I hope everyone who has read this enjoys the ending, and I thank everyone who has ever reviewed, alerted, added to favorites and all of the above. Thank you so much. I never ever expected this one to do so well but I'm so glad it did because I've absolutely LOVED writing it. So here is the end. May it make you smile, cry, or want to throw something at my head. **

The world was cold, dark at times and it had a way of making you feel so small and alone. In better terms, it wasn't really the world that was cold, it was the people in it. Murders, drug deals, human trafficking, Lisbon had seen it all. There were times that she felt the effects of being a CBI agent, times when she wanted to crawl into bed and hide under the covers like a scared little girl. She wanted to do it at that exact moment and take Jane with her. To hide from the cruel reality that they'd lost Red John. They'd had him and now they didn't. He was in custody and then he escaped before they ever knew he was the monster who had stolen something so precious from so many people, from Jane.

Jane - the man currently in the kitchen busying himself with cooking dinner. She'd offered to help but he ushered her out and she let him. She knew this was his way of processing the day's events. He wasn't shutting her out, he just needed a little time to take it all in and then he'd return to her. She could still see him, partially, from her position on the couch. He'd told her to relax as if it were actually possible. There was no relaxing after the day they'd had. No way her aching body would let her ease into a sense of comfort when she knew he was beating himself up for not knowing. None of them had seen it coming, but of course Jane thought he should have. There were so many what-ifs and should-haves.

Trying to calm her racing thoughts, she stretched out on the soft piece of furniture and stared at the ceiling while her finger toyed with the fabric of Jane's shirt. She'd changed almost immediately upon arrival, opting for the dress shirt she'd stolen instead of clean pajamas. She'd be sure to wash it tomorrow so she could wear it again. There was something about it that just made her feel safe. Something she found interesting considering she had a gun, that should make her feel safer than anything but the feel of his shirt against her skin made her feel a different kind of safe.

Occasionally she found herself glancing towards the kitchen when she heard a clank of a pan or scrape of a fork. Her ceiling needed cleaned but it would have to wait. She wanted to help the tortured soul slaving over the stove, she hated letting him do all the work but at the same time she knew it's what he needed. Soon enough he'd reach the point where he needed her and she'd be there but until then there wasn't much she could do. She couldn't help but think how nice this would be under different circumstances, having dinner prepared for her while being allowed to unwind. It would be romantic and sweet, it technically still was but neither of them could enjoy it to the full extent.

Several explicits followed a thud, jerking her attention away from the cobweb she'd been watching to see Jane's arm shoot out for paper towels. A few more minutes and then she'd make him let her help. He'd been in there by himself for almost an hour, that was enough time. She knew if she gave him more then he'd withdraw into his thoughts of blaming himself for everything. Even if he tried not to, he would unwillingly slip into it. She'd been learning that over the last several months, learning how to read him better. He wasn't as complicated as she'd originally thought.

When she heard something that sounded like a pan hitting the counter and another string of curses, she knew it was time. He was getting overwhelmed and that was her cue to join the cooking party. With tired arms, she pushed herself up from the couch and padded towards the delicious smells coming from the kitchen. Any other time she would have laughed when she saw he was still wearing her pink apron - the one given to her by the lady next door as a house warming gift. When he'd insisted upon wearing it, she'd just given him a smile and shrugged. She figured it was simply yet another way to try and inject normalcy into their relationship, their day. But this wasn't any other time and the look in his eyes had her forgetting all about the piece of cloth made to protect clothing.

She watched him for a few seconds as he gripped the edge of the counter, eyes filling with tears. An outsider would assume he was upset over the contents of the pan now spilling out over the once clean, top of the counter but she knew better. She could care less about the green peppers and jalapenos. Reaching out, she rested a hand over his whitening knuckles and he turned slowly to face her.

"I-I'm sorry Lisbon. I'll clean it up." Heart constricting in her chest, she watched as he attempted to do just that. Moving away, he grabbed more paper towels and that's when she noticed his hands were shaking. It was easy for her to conclude that's how the mess had been made in the first place.

"Patrick, let me." She sighed in relief when he stepped back and let her finish. He watched her, gaze never wandering as she cleaned the last of the mess from the counter top and proceeded to the trash can. She didn't say anything, didn't blush under the intense stare. She just let him take it all in and then returned his unwavering glance with one of her own. He took a step toward her and she followed suit.

The space between them closed in just a few quick strides and then Lisbon was wrapping her arms around his waist, letting him bury his face in her hair. This was nothing like the short embrace they'd shared in her office. This was a whole different kind of comfort and when one hand traveled up to stroke his curls, she realized she was whispering words of nonsense in hopes to help ease his aching. She never thought that she'd be in this position with Jane - a woman comforting her lover in the midst of an emotional storm. Then again, she'd never thought sharing a room would lead to being allowed to comfort him in such a way. She'd thought they would remain platonic, forever toeing the line of what could be but never crossing over to the other side. He was Jane after all, and she'd told herself he was off limits because of all the complications involved.

The hands that had been shaking were now clinging to her, holding her as close as possible and a small part of her brain wondered when it had become so easy to let him in. The last several days sealed the deal between them but it had started a long time ago with small touches and now here they were. The events of the last week left her shaken. In such a small window of time, they'd managed to accompany each other to hell. They weren't quite back yet but she knew they would get there and with one loving kiss to his head, she loosened her hold on him. A deep breath filled the air as he let her go but she didn't move away.

"Why don't we eat and then head to bed?" She let her eyes flicker to the pan, there was still enough for the two of them and if she wasn't so hungry she would have just suggested bed. They'd been skipping dinner a lot though and she knew it would be better to eat something first. She didn't get a verbal reply but she really hadn't expected one, he simply nodded and handed her one of the plates he'd already set out, tortilla laid carefully on top.

It was interesting to try something new, she'd never had whatever the heck it was that he'd cooked. All she knew was that he'd made her stop by the store on the way home to pick up onions, garlic, jalapenos, and Anaheim chile peppers. Now it was all mixed together in a pan in front of her. It was worth trying, it smelled good and she wasn't about to turn it away or even comment with something witty at a time like this. Dipping some of the mixture out onto the tortilla, she thought about what all of this would be like in the morning. How they'd handle it after a night of so much thinking.

Jane had shed the pink apron before they sat down to eat and Lisbon couldn't help but think how ridiculous they must have looked. She was only in a shirt and he was still in his three piece suit. He was quiet, they both were. Neither of them said anything while scarfing down the food. Lisbon was glad she'd tried it, her taste buds were very appreciative though she had to admit the concoction definitely had a kick to it.

She'd made him leave the pots and pans till morning, taking him by the hand and pulling him up the stairs. It fascinated her how in sync they really were, sharing a bathroom with someone had never been easy for her but Jane just seemed to fit. It wasn't awkward to brush her teeth and share the sink with him. He was still quiet, slow moving. As soon as she'd finished cleaning up, she left him alone and headed straight for her bed knowing that he'd follow. She'd missed her bed and it looked even more inviting on this night but one thought made her hesitate - this would be the first time in a long while that a man would be joining her. She wasn't one for going out much, her love life had been nonexistent until a few days ago. This should be a happy moment, inviting someone to share her bed, inviting Jane but it isn't. The whole reason they were together wasn't exactly happy.

Pushing the thoughts away, she pushed the covers back and crawled in. A sigh fell from her lips when her head hit the pillow. Oh how she'd missed her bed. She was thinking that it couldn't possibly get any better but then the mattress dipped, arms snaked around her waist and she realized that it could. Her comfortable warm bed seemed even better with Jane in it. After the long tiring week, the last twenty-four hours and all the pain and suffering, this was what both of them had needed.

When he pressed a kiss to her lips, rolling her to pin her to the bed, she let him. His fingers made quick work of the buttons on her - well his - shirt, she wouldn't be needing it. Her first night home in her own bed and she wasn't alone. Another kiss, a soft touch, a whisper of her name falling from his lips as he caught her tired eyes in a stare and she knew. He was still trying to come to terms with the days events and he needed her more than either of them had realized. They needed each other. Who knew where they'd be if she would have let him shut her out for good? One place they wouldn't be was in her bed, pouring hurt and comfort into every gentle caress of bare skin.

* * *

It was the sound of something hitting the window that roused Jane from his dozing. It took him a few seconds to figure out that the noise was caused by a rain storm, water trails running down the glass and making him close his eyes once again. The weather had been horrible lately, at least it was matching his mood. Rain, clouds, there was one sunny day he remembered then again he wasn't one for paying much attention to the weather when Red John was involved. He remembered watching the sunrise with Lisbon, sitting on that fence and seeking comfort in her. Just as he was now by clinging to her even in sleep though he was now awake.

He tried getting comfortable, shifting a little and pulling her closer but it didn't really help any. He just wasn't capable of falling back asleep at this point and the clock only read three fifteen. He couldn't stop thinking about being in a room with Red John and not even knowing it. He should have known, he should have at least suspected it when the man had brought up his wife and child. He'd been blinded and he'd missed a huge revelation because of it. Now they had nothing. No Red John, no leads, nothing. He wanted the game to end, he wanted to be able to finally put the past behind him.

There was no way he'd ever forget, you couldn't forget something like that. Just like he'd never forget the last several days but he wanted to be able to be happy with Lisbon. He felt a little guilty for putting her through so much lately. He'd toyed with her emotions, shut her out, made her face demons from her past and then he'd made love to her as if none of that mattered. It did though. It mattered that they'd slept together twice now and both times it'd been brought on by unfortunate situations. He wanted to show her that she was more than that, better than that. He just didn't know when he would be able to do that.

The sting of losing the man who murdered his family would be too much for awhile, but he hoped that after a few days things would start to return to normal - whatever normal was for them - so he could prove that even though they'd come together in such a broken way that things didn't have to be so sad and serious all the time. As carefully as possible he moved her around until she was lying on her back and he was looming over her. With a sigh, he pressed a kiss to her forehead before letting a finger stroke softly down the slope of her nose. He thought her nose was adorable, he thought she was adorable in a very Lisbon kind of way. He kept the touch as light as possible so he wouldn't wake her. She was sleeping well, better than she had been and he knew it was because of the location. She felt safe in her own bed, comfortable and warm.

He really never thought he'd see the inside of her bedroom, let alone know what it felt like to be in her bed next to her. As good as it felt, he was still aching. There was a tightening in his chest that kept him from being able to fully enjoy the moment but when she shifted, letting out a quiet mewling sound, he knew that eventually he'd be able to. He wanted her to stay asleep so he stopped the soft caress of her nose. Another soft kiss, this time to her bare shoulder and he was slowly sitting up. Before he left the bed, he pulled the blankets up over her and made sure she was as warm as possible and then found the boxers that had been tossed aside.

He thought of going downstairs, but decided against it. He didn't want to leave the room, he liked hearing Lisbon's quiet gentle breaths. He made his way to the window instead. Standing in front of it, he watched with a distant stare. It was almost therapeutic. The rain pelted against the window as he stared out into the night. Red John was out there somewhere, still taunting him and knowing that Lisbon was more than just someone he worked with. It worried him, scared him. If anything happened to her, he didn't know what he'd do. If anything happened to her because of Red John, he'd lose the last shreds of sanity he had left.

Hand resting against the cool glass, he watched the water hit it and let his thoughts consume him. He'd dealt with most of the anger he'd been feeling by cooking Lisbon something to eat. Most of it. In the end he'd spilled all but a tiny bit of their dinner and almost burned his hand but as with every time he's felt alone lately, she was there. The feeling of failing once again was still lingering though he'd hoped it would ease after a few hours. It hadn't yet. He kept failing, over and over.

"Jane?" Whipping around to see his lover sitting up, blanket at her waist, hair mussed and not even bothering to cover herself, he quickly took in the way she rubbed at her eyes and blinked in confusion. It was obvious she was still out of it and wasn't sure where he was. Her gaze hadn't made it to the window yet.

"I'm right here. Go back to sleep."

"Not until you come back to bed." He expected nothing less than her stubbornness and found himself obeying without a fight. He wouldn't be able to sleep but it was clear that leaving her alone only resulted in waking her which is what he'd been trying to avoid by getting out of bed in the first place. Easing back down on the mattress, he leaned back until he staring up at the ceiling and only then did she relax. Even in the darkened room, he could see the tension in her body lessen as she buried herself into his side. He didn't mind the contact and he sure as heck didn't mind that she liked to burrow closer.

"I didn't mean to wake you."

"S'okay, talk to me." Her hand rested over his stomach, tracing along his navel as he let his own trail up and down her spine. "Tell me what you're thinking."

Normally he probably would have seen those statements as demands. He would have refused but with her voice so soothing and sleep filled, he knew she wasn't demanding anything. She was simply requesting for him to talk and it suddenly seemed like the best idea he'd heard in a long time.

"I keep thinking I should have noticed that we had Red John. He's out there now, laughing at us and we're left with more questions than answers."

"When we catch him again, we'll get answers." A small smile tugged at Jane's lips as the woman in his arms, shifted around and tucked her head into the crook of his neck. She was always trying to make him feel better. Always trying to say what she thought he needed to hear and he loved her for it even when he didn't truly believe her.

"He's always ahead of us, he escaped. How do you know he won't do it again?"

"Because we'll be prepared. We didn't know he was Red John, the only thing we thought we needed to worry about was keeping him alive." She had a good point and she seemed satisfied with it, showing him how much thought she'd put into it by a soft kiss to the underside of his jaw.

"I've been thinking about what happens if we don't find him."

"We'll get him okay? We will and he won't get away again." Jane closed his eyes, listening to the soft melodic tone of her voice. Hypnotizing in its own way. Warm beneath the blankets, listening to Lisbon reassure him wearing nothing, he was being lulled into a state of calm.

"You really are a sweetheart. I know you've been thinking of the same thing, and you're just saying that to make me feel better." He felt her tense for a few seconds before relaxing again with a heavy breath. "It worries me that he knows about us. He got away Lisbon."

"We'll be okay." There was no way to know if they really would be or not and although he usually liked to point that out, he didn't this time. He believed her, even if there was no guarantee that something wouldn't happen. He believed in her, and that was enough. He may have wished the last week hadn't happened but he didn't regret the step they had taken. He was actually now thankful for broken heaters. Without being forced to share a room the first night, none of this would have happened. They would have been there for each other throughout the case but they wouldn't have kissed, touched, crossed the line between being friends and being more than friends.

As much as he hated Red John, hated what happened to Victoria and what it had done to him, he couldn't say that the entire stay had been one huge tragedy. Lisbon wasn't a tragedy, she was anything but. She was his way out, his light and it had taken him awhile to realize that but now that he did, he was going to try really hard not to mess it up. It'd be so easy to slip back into trying to shut her out, wallow in self pity but he no longer wanted to. He wanted to open up, wanted her to be the one he shared the hard things with and it was hard for him to share. He was making an effort to try, he was letting her comfort him and that was a step forward.

"Get some sleep Teresa." The sound of her name on his lips was still foreign but it was becoming easier to say each time he said it and as she wiggled one last time and mumbled against his neck, he knew that they would do their best to withstand whatever was thrown their way. Red John or otherwise.

She'd become someone he cared about, someone he didn't want to live without and he wasn't sure what state he would be in if she hadn't pushed him into opening up. He wasn't sure how he'd be handling Red John's escape without her. Tightening his hold on her, he gave in to the pull of his own physical and emotional exhaustion. She was right, next time Red John wouldn't get away because next time Jane would be prepared. He'd be ready and he'd make sure the man never hurt anyone ever again.

**a/n: I know I know, they didn't get Red John, but I never intended for them to. I'm a horrible person like that. *Runs away* Good news: There's a sequel.**

**So go check out Dissolve if you want to see where Jane and Lisbon are now!**

**PS: The dinner Jane made for Lisbon is my favorite. It's basically a modified version of Denver Green Chili. :D**


End file.
